Taking a long overdue mental health vacation. I will check in when I can.
Trigger warning: if you are a survivor of any kind of abuse, please make sure you are far enough along in your healing before reading this. Otherwise, I strongly advise you not to. I wrote this to call attention to how society treats domestic abuse survivors whose partners never left physical bruises or "proof". If you're reading this, I kindly ask that you consider making a donation to a domestic violence organization. Again, please make sure you are mentally in a healthy place to read this...
You hit me like an ocean storm
Violent waves crashing
Pulling me under
Can’t seem to get my head above water
Chaos and destruction walk hand in hand
The shaky foundation
We might have had
Now lost in the wreckage of your storm
And who am I
To pick up the pieces
Gasping for air
Between holding my breath
Bit by bit, slowly
Losing more of myself
But the ocean taught me how to love
The taste of salt
And metallic
As I bite through my lip
Hard enough that I bleed
Again and again
For some semblance of peace
Told to swallow my pride
When I tried to speak up
Gaslit to fear saying
Enough is enough
By a society that primes us
To fawn and to freeze
To avoid confrontation
And just people please
The magazines
They tell you
Be flawless
And sexy
We exist to please men
The conditioning starts early
Like don’t make a fuss
He’s only mean 'cause he likes you
And don’t cause a scene
How unladylike of you
Just an object
Some eye candy
My God you're so hot
Your legs are so nice
My opinions matter not
And then there was you
Laid all my cards on the table
Showed you my scars
And still you were able
To act like I owed you
Like I was the problem
Left to pick up the pieces
And they asked why I stayed
Why I didn't report
Like I had somewhere to go
And you never used force
Your attorney
The judges
Used my trauma against me
Like it wasn’t that bad
Since you never did hit me.
-
Author:
HannahElisabeth (
Offline) - Published: August 10th, 2021 21:09
- Category: Sociopolitical
- Views: 35
- Users favorite of this poem: Heart of Babel, Arvy, Doggerel Dave
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Comments4
This is powerful Hannah.
"a society that primes us
To fawn and to freeze
To avoid confrontation
And just people please".
That's an amazing verse!
The mixed messages that women receive from society do so much damage. Told to act/look a certain way, then condemned for doing so. A change is long overdue.
Thank you so much!
I definitely made this a lot more tame for publishing than it was initially, but I'm glad I got the message across.
Toxic traditions and gender prescriptions need to be burned to the ground...
Amen
‘Like I had somewhere to go’ is, for me, one of several key lines, Hannah.
Before Covid it was a big issue here in Oz and my guess is elsewhere too. With Covid lockdowns…….
Sometimes my empathy module gets unplugged or something, so I haven’t much sympathy for socialisation arguments which would posit that women have no choice in partner selection.
However if I take it up at the sharp point of crisis, then I know the situation re alternative accommodation is well nigh impossible - property prices astronomical, rents similarly very high; government benefits far too low and a dire shortage of women’s shelters.
Good cause to shout about.
It's not just a dire shortage of women's shelters, Covid, and all that.
There's the court systems, too many police officers lacking in empathy when taking reports... What we really need is more money going to non-profits that offer more than just shelter; legal resources are severely lacking for these situations. Covid made what little resources available even more scarce, while simultaneously intensifying the frequency of domestic abuse.
By no means was I implying that women have no choice in partner selection. I know you hate metaphors, but the boiling frog is a better way to describe what I was trying to convey.
The most cunning and manipulative people know not to just throw you into the boiling water...
Not entirely adverse to metaphors - I used boiling frog in relation to climate change in a shortie somewhere here....I assume you are referring to perpetrators?
No argument re non-profits V Govt when it comes to shelter +. Just get it done....
Police (some) are trying to rectify this situation.
Covid - precisely as implied in my response above.
Re Women's socialisation, it is too much to say it's society that's to blame...while I wholly commit to societal change, that change only occurs via the commitment of multiple individuals.
Insufficient to state 'Toxic traditions and gender ......' this is analogous to a (wouldn't dignify by calling it a 'debate') quick discussion here on the troubles of the world and end with the conclusion that 'all you need is love'. - but how or wot?
I'll sign off now (for a while) enjoy this - stimulating - thanks Hannah.
Love means too many different things to people for that to be the answer. What we need is more empathy, and to end the toxic nature of a society still clinging to the enforcement of stereotypic gender roles.
I'm speaking from a place of being raised in the Bible Belt, surrounded by authoritarian brands of Christianity. Society shapes us as much as we shape society – in the same way both nature and nurture shape our neurobiology.
Not only is this poem based on personal experience, there’s a plethora of research on the ramifications of “toxic traditions and gender prescriptions”. To change society, we must first be educated on intersectional issues and cultivate more empathy. And listen to survivors when we finally speak up.
Sadly, some people are just too stubborn for that…
‘Love’ dismissed in one quick sentence - you have just made your future at MPS very shaky…..(I know that won’t happen – you have already laid down some love poetry). My take on love is in my back catalogue under that name.
Not a great start, that Bible Belt stuff – although social control is clear and blatant; nothing subtle or insidious there, I would have thought…… My positions can be found in ‘Manifesto’ (ambitious eh?) and ‘Finale’.
‘Society shapes us as much as we shape society‘ - not balanced; society obviously has the advantage, and as an individual I have no power to change society, so the best I can do is take my own position and attempt to convince others (no easy task to convince). Me –‘Free Exchange’.
Thanks for ’intersectional’ – new to me; my education continues….
To have true and genuine love, you must first have empathy...
Once again, it appears my opinions matter not.
My apologies for thinking this platform was a space for freedom of expression. If that's not the case, then on to the next one ✌
Hey Hannah - I don't understand your post above at all! Baffled would be a good description.
All I did, I thought, was state my positions on your propositions in the hope that I would receive in return your take, from what would be a totally different perspective to mine.
If I seemed to be less than empathic, I was not. However in order to adequately respond to you on each and every aspect of your argument would have taken an impossibly lengthy post – so I gave you several references to previous posts of mine in the hope that my positions would be clearer and open to focused criticism by you.
In no way was I attempting to dismiss your opinions or curtail your freedom of expression - how could I?
As I mentioned, an introduction to terms such as intersectionality is what make these kind of exchanges worthwhile.
The comment "you have just made your future at MPS very shaky" due to expressing my opinions would say otherwise...
I was not dismissing love in the slightest, in an ideal world, where everyone knows love as it truly should be, selfless, empathetic, etc... That would be the answer. But as my poetry often depicts, ideas of "love" have too many different meanings to different people. As indicated by this very poem, "Marionette", and others.
I base my opinions on evidence, opinions you have very quickly shot down rather than exploring first on your own. I thought I was being as succinct as possible, but perhaps I was wrong. Your exchanges with me appear to be quite combative; while I do love to hear other's view points, I have a hard time when the exchange feels like the other person is talking just to talk, rather than truly listening.
I did not say otherwise – it was a joke As my following sentences should have made clear. (I have this very ambivalent attitude to much love poetry which floods this site). A tongue in cheek – won’t happen again – I’ll use a smiley emoji to avoid any future ambiguity……
At no time did I shoot down your opinions – read my above comment again. I gave you references to my old posts because there was no space to fully express those thoughts here.
Sorry, Hannah - I think I’ll have to close down on this one – it has reached the stage where battle lines are being drawn , after which a free exchange, the chance to rectify error, will not be possible.
It was good while it lasted though....
It takes great courage to share your story with an abusive relationship. Society blames those who get abused thinking it's easy to just walk away when they're oblivious of how difficult and painful the whole deal is. My heart goes to anyone in pain and can't speak out. Thank you for this beautiful poem Hannah!
Thank you for your kind words Arvy. I'm glad you could find the beauty in it. It takes great courage indeed.
I am thankful you wrote about this. I dated a woman years ago who went through an attack before I met her. Yes, never forget their are people in your life who love and want to help you through the pain.
Matthew, I'm so sorry she experienced that. And yes, there are so many lovely souls in this life, they definitely outweigh the pain. I'm very thankful to have the amazing support system that I do. I started making my poetry public in the hopes of publishing some day and donating some of the proceeds to domestic violence organizations in the future. I'm really glad you appreciate speaking up about this, thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment.
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