The Priest Without Pants

We could not go out
There was nothing to do
So we sat in the house
and ate all the food
We ate all the popcorn,
the peanuts and candy
And washed it all down
with whatever was handy

A knock on the door made
us pause from our feast
Then the door opened wide
and in walked the Priest
Soaked to the bone
from his head to his
toes
He said "someone help
me get out of these clothes".

Then the Priest looked
around, and then what
did he see?
He picked
out two somebody's
Billy and me

He took off his collar
and undid his pants
and with a wink and
a smile he started to
dance
He asked us to help
him remove all the
rest
And said we could all
play a game called
'undressed'
"A very fun game
I will show it to you
And I promise that no
one will mind if I do"

But our fish said
"Oh no, make that
Priest go away!
Tell that Priest
without pants
you do NOT
want to play!
He SHOULD NOT be
here promising
fun!
He SHOULD NOT be
here with his trousers
undone!"

"But I came here
to play" said the
half-naked Priest
"I know a few games
You should try them at least
These games are quite fun
I will show them to you
They involve sleeping
pills and a six pack or
two"

Then true to his word the
Priest cracked a beer
And invited us over with
a mischievous leer
“A sip of this stuff will
not cause any pain
Take a swig and I’ll
show you a new little
game"

"Put that down!” said our fish
“Make that Priest go away!
Tell that Priest without pants
you do NOT want to play!
He SHOULD NOT be here
promising fun!
He SHOULD NOT be here
with his trousers undone!"

But Billy and I were
a rebellious pair
And to be offered
beer was incredibly
rare
So we each grabbed
a cold one and in
one mighty swig
We downed 16 oz
like a couple of
pigs

And soon (very soon)
the room started to spin
And I vaguely remember
the Priest’s evil grin
And the sound of his
laughter as his shorts
hit the floor
And his clod hopping
footsteps as he locked
our front door

Then he took a few steps
towards Billy and me
and we shivered and shook
when he touched Billy's knee
Then all of a sudden,
or it seemed so at least
Billy threw up on the
dirty old Priest
Yes up came the popcorn
the peanuts and beer
And covered the Priest
from his feet to his ear

Then without warning
and almost on cue
I started barfing
when Billy was through
The Priest gave a cry
and then lickity split
He ran from the room
(the dirty old shit)
He grabbed up his garments
and sped from our home
On his way out the door
he dropped his cell phone

So calmly and coolly
I called the newspaper
and then the police
to report the old raper
I said "you can't miss him
he turned left on Duke
He's completely naked
and covered in puke"
And within thirty minutes
the cops had their man
They booked him and
tossed him right into
the can

Then I turned to Billy
and gave him a smile
The Priest was in jail
and awaiting a trial
But Billy was pale
and didn’t look good
He seemed almost frozen
in the place where he stood
He had to sit down
and he looked pretty weak
Then he said... "When the hell
did our fish learn to speak?"