Prolonged offal bout courtesy constipation... redux a worse hellish fate than perdition

At least forty eight hour time span
lapsed whereby big boy wanted to cry

explaining how yours truly

felt he would die
an undertaking malaise

found me experiencing physical duress vis a vis,

a bowel movement,

wherein waste unable to expel

from the anus of this guy,

which bout with rectal obstruction

found me doubled over

with lower abdominal distress

whereby comfort found me unable to lie

down nor sit upright

(with back padded with pillows

against the cellar brick wall),

thus severe bloating a bonus well nigh

and managed on a previous occasion

to muster the means to bare

frigid arctic vortex aire to purchase

the Acme brand Metamucil,

which akin to Drano doth ply

thru the excretory tract

supposedly loosening the stools,

 

which optimism (product

didst earn claim to fame) generated a sigh

if that expressed intent

to cease LivingSocial would try

humph enjoining this lxii year old married male

to cede victory to the grim reaper, who would vie

as winner de jure

to this common fellow invoking libretto

ohm resistant understudy waste not want not

allowing, enabling and providing relief,

without successful defecation

despite the oppressive urge to bolster this Uriah

heap of balled up and tuckered out

five foot and ten inches of lovely bones,

thence mouthing retraction

of former thought to cease existing

though a non-bull lever

in any power broker qua mankind

relief at long last
provided posterior answered prayer

yet, this scrivener

scrutinizes his recurring

pain in the ass jagged torture

and asks a rhetorical one word question "WHY"?

 

As of early August 20^th, 2021-

I finally move bowels but...

mine whole body felt
analogous to sluggish mollusk
stasis of lower bowel found yours truly

doubled over in gastrointestinal agony

as if elephant or red (livid with rage)

bull thrust his tusk into mine tush

ah...voila... hence subsequently I tout
blessed magic of laxatives
Amitiza, Dulcolax, and Miralax

relieving lower abdominal and rectal

discomfort agonizing me dawn to dusk.

 

Upon swallowing first or second named laxative

or sprinkling Mix-in powder pack,

within 8+ ounces of water,

not aesthetically pleasing major drawback

foisting human waste heavy as a full coalsack

sometimes burned and scorched black

movement came swift, on par how fast

snaky Mister liquid Plumber doth attack

obstructed potty bowl.

 

Well now... monumental poetic challenge,

I now craftily abbreviate

(think clogged toilet synonymous with blockage)

waste matter after days did accumulate

ready to apply corkerasp
regarding rectal blockage to alleviate.

Imagine impossible airy mission to defecate

which debilitating scenario (mine) accursed fate

frequently recurring more often as yours truly ages
i.e. latter day saint Matthew Scott got older
rectal affliction compromised me

ordinary easy going demeanor to boot

disallowing, disenabling, and not permitting

me - effecting, emulating, and exhaling
Tony the tiger's catchword grrrrrreat

if queried about my constitution

when alas... absolute ecstasy found me

expelling bowel movement with effort

weighing approximately 0.71428571 stone

though relieved, nevertheless

the toilet bowl clogged,

prompting me to correct historical records

on two accounts despite

causing potential ruckus

disaster buffs may incriminate

nsync notion huge bowel movement

(mine) took down (analogous
voyage to bottom of sea) toto Lusitania

and actually additionally

caused separate incident

complex edifice (think Titanic)

both sturdy ships of state

former rendered, lifted, foundered...

latter purportedly crashing

into iceberg mate.