long distance

you said “for the last time, I love you”

and that broke my heart.

why would you say that? FUCK YOU.

we’d both miss each other from the long distance.

it’s not like I wanted to say goodbye.

we both love each other still.

hopefully I’ll get to come by,

and say I love you again.

two hours away for me is such a threat.

why must I be so young and foolish?

I wasn’t ready yet. No…

I’m not ready yet.

you pinky promised me,

and we left our pinkies intertwined for hours.

we were too afraid to let go,

it felt like we might let our promise free.

I feel like a half-written story,

and you were still my next chapter after the first,

I don’t like to read but,

I wanted to jump in our story headfirst.

you left me your sweatshirt,

I left you a two-page letter.

I cried when I took your sweatshirt out of my suitcase,

and you cried when you took the Polaroids out.

seeing you broken makes it harder for me.

you couldn’t even look me in the eyes.

I couldn’t even balance on my knees,

and fell to the floor in mental pain.

as my ride pulled up,

we look at each other anxiously.

our lips lock up,

as we’re desperate to keep each other’s love.   

you hugged me goodbye,

and as I walked away you grabbed my wrist

while I cried,

and gave me one last one.

I tried to hold it back in front of your family,

but choked up every time your parents asked if I was okay.

and as soon as I closed my front door,

screamed and cried as I wish you would stay.

we’re still friends of course,

but I lost a big part of you.

I lost the part of you that came with those damn four months.

how hard this would be is the one thing I wish I knew.

this is a shit ton harder than I thought it would be.

I wish I could say I’m okay

and have it not be a lie.

it is so fucking hard to fake a smile.

even with all the love and support I have,

I only want to open up to you.

my best friend, my supporter, the one I love.

you can’t be called mine anymore.

it sucks knowing that we’re both broken,

both missing each other, and wanting love from one another,

my letter had not even enough words spoken,

I wish I could let you know I still love you.

why’d you have to move away so soon?

why does your new life have to be without me?

I wish I could help your broken heart,

but I can’t even help my own.

talking to you is so hard,

especially when it’s time to get off the call.

I so easily let down my guard,

and almost say “I love you”.

and while we’re still friends,

and still talking and hanging with each other,

and still love you but can’t admit it,

with the long distance I still suffer.