My pink cactus catches everyone`s heart, but
she hides under her petals spines of apathy.
Tiny but lovely moments I shared with her,
now hurt deep in her mere negligence and,
blossom in poems in my poetic garden.
'I nurture and nurse 'our' agony 'mementos'
and they bloom in poems, to tell the world a tale
of a bird that didn't nest on my love tree
or the spring that has missed my garden.
My poesy, what is it other than those thorns
I 'invited', only for them to 'prick' my heart.
'now, this pulsating branches' on solitude’s veins,
pierce, deeper - into my wavering: 'mournful' soul.'
Nevertheless I love those fine tiny thorns,
which fetch spring in the poet’s fanciful garden.
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Author:
Freni Karaluthara (
Offline) - Published: August 25th, 2021 11:14
- Category: Love
- Views: 19
Offline)
Comments1
I think with a little editing
this can be worded much more accessible
but as it is, I could relate to your depiction
of poetry's capacity
to help us express ourselves, while hiding
our most painful truth's, from the world..
an intriguing write
thanks for choosing to share
Hall dear Mek, How is your valuable suggestion to edit my poem. I await your answer. Thank you for reading my poem and comment on it.
all I have are mere, instinctively opinionated words
I know too little, to suggest anything worthwhile..
but my observational comment
on your wording, was more to do
with how you structed your poem,
you utilised one core 'stem' of imagery
(specifically a flower with thorns)
and layered your metaphors
so they intertwined with each other,
this is a wonderful tool, in a poem
but in a short poem
it can feel a little too suggestive
and for those who don't catch-on to what you're doing
from the start, they'll be lost halfway through..
so maybe reducing or offering an alternative
line of imagery, might help
kinda like breaking he poem in half
so your imagery in the first half
is a mirror of the second
but like all mirrors, there's a slight change
in the image that's reflected back..?
anyway, like I said originally
personally I found this a meaningful read
as it is!
edit it, only if you want
and remember to keep a copy of the original
you brilliantly penned,
take my words as just gentle suggestive winds
but you choose, if its just a mere gust to ignore
or something worth investigating
Thank you very much dear Mek for your kind reply.
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