Poesy: the lovely thorns in my heart

Freni Karaluthara

My pink cactus catches everyone`s heart, but

she hides under her petals spines of apathy.

Tiny but lovely moments I shared with her,

now hurt deep in her mere negligence and,

blossom in poems in my poetic garden. 

 

'I nurture and nurse 'our' agony 'mementos'

and they bloom in poems, to tell the world a tale

of a bird that didn't nest on my love tree

or the spring that has missed my garden.

 

My poesy, what is it other than those thorns

I 'invited', only for them to 'prick' my heart.

'now, this pulsating branches' on solitude’s veins,

pierce, deeper - into my wavering: 'mournful' soul.'

 

Nevertheless I love those fine tiny thorns,

 which fetch spring in the poet’s fanciful garden.

  • Author: Freni Karaluthara (Offline Offline)
  • Published: August 25th, 2021 11:14
  • Category: Love
  • Views: 19
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Comments1

  • L. B. Mek

    I think with a little editing
    this can be worded much more accessible
    but as it is, I could relate to your depiction
    of poetry's capacity
    to help us express ourselves, while hiding
    our most painful truth's, from the world..
    an intriguing write
    thanks for choosing to share

    • Freni Karaluthara

      Hall dear Mek, How is your valuable suggestion to edit my poem. I await your answer. Thank you for reading my poem and comment on it.

      • L. B. Mek

        all I have are mere, instinctively opinionated words
        I know too little, to suggest anything worthwhile..
        but my observational comment
        on your wording, was more to do
        with how you structed your poem,
        you utilised one core 'stem' of imagery
        (specifically a flower with thorns)
        and layered your metaphors
        so they intertwined with each other,
        this is a wonderful tool, in a poem
        but in a short poem
        it can feel a little too suggestive
        and for those who don't catch-on to what you're doing
        from the start, they'll be lost halfway through..
        so maybe reducing or offering an alternative
        line of imagery, might help
        kinda like breaking he poem in half
        so your imagery in the first half
        is a mirror of the second
        but like all mirrors, there's a slight change
        in the image that's reflected back..?
        anyway, like I said originally
        personally I found this a meaningful read
        as it is!
        edit it, only if you want
        and remember to keep a copy of the original
        you brilliantly penned,
        take my words as just gentle suggestive winds
        but you choose, if its just a mere gust to ignore
        or something worth investigating

        • 1 more comment



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