The toupee in the pub.

The toupee in the pub.

It kinda came in with the breeze.

In gravity defiance above its host.

Of all the happenings in our local.

This was the one we all enjoyed the most

Our Grandad was the first to share opinion.

“ That thing should be secured beneath a hat,”

 He turned towards the barmaid and he whispered.”

 “ Bring the man some milk out for his cat,”

Our visitor did n’t seem to bother.

As all eyes began to look his way.

The hairstyle he was sporting was inky black up top.

And all around the sides ten of shades of grey.

We soon engaged the chap in conversation.

Coz friendliness is what we do the best,

But when he turned his head in reply.

The wig remained facing to the West.

The other rooms in’t pub began to empty.

As word began to spread of the tableau.

“ There’s a fella in the lounge bar with a rug on! “

 They shouted so that no one missed the show.

The landlord came down to join the party.

He’d retired to his bed an hour before.

But when he heard about the queues outside.

He started selling tickets on the door.

Then the chaps began to play the jukebox

Choosing songs to reflect the things we ‘d said

David Bowie's classic “ Wiggy stardust.”

“ I’ve got bills toupee” or songs by “Motorhead.”

The crowd stood back and looked in sheer amazement.

As our guest began to talk about his work.

A headmaster in a private grammar school.

Caused many of those gathered round to smirk.

“ And do you have a hobby?”asked a local.

“ Like collecting rugs or taxidermery?”

“ Would you be a fan of Bradley Wiggins?”

“The cyclist we watch on our TV ?.”

Another asked a very probing question.

“ Tell me do you follow any sports?”

The man replied he was a football fan.

“ And Wigan was the team that he supports !”

The gathered throng were stifling their laughter.

When our guest,good night to us he bid.

We all replied in duplication. 

Good night to him and good night to his wig.

Our  local pub is really quite inviting.

To anyone who calls in for a chat

And blokes with thinning hair don’t get a second stare.

But toupees should be kept beneath a hat.