I Wanna Be With You...

Here I sit at forty-five wondering why I'm still alive...?

Defo not bent, Broken for sure inside...

I wish I still had you here with me...

Right about now it would make me so happy...

If I had known this is how it was going to be...?

I swear I would've carried though what I so wanted to do...

Not live a day without you...

You once told me you couldn't live without me...

There wasn't a day without me back then...

When all I wanted to do was die...

I never knew what it meant or why...? Now I do...

It wasn't all a lie...

I cant fake that I made a mistake Or did the good lord who was just getting bored...

Reject the rejection for the sake of sake...?

Good question I'll take...? Or did he take the both of you so soon, only a matter of days within to teach me what it truly means to be the one that's left behind...

I'm not having a great time, In fact it hurts like hell...

So thanks a lot, swell...

One things for sure I just don't know no more...?

I'm not gonna try because I really do just wanna die...

I'm being honest...

no joke or lie...

No cry for help this I promise myself...

The day I do carry though wont be like before...

This too I promise you...

There'll be no screaming & yelling or belling...

There'll just be me by myself praying hard that whatever I decide to do won't backfire like its done before...

You can never tell in this I wanna die, suicide hell...

So yeah I'll be praying for the good lord & angels to take me this time...

There's nothing left here for me...

I want to be with Mr Phil & Miss Kitty...

There's no you, There's no me...

I'm so lost without you, I'm barely holding on...

I've tired being unpredictable, I've tired holding on, I've tried being strong,,,

I've tried keeping it all within...

So no one has a clue what I'm feeling since losing both of you...

No clue, No games no one can play, My vulnerability gets to stay under cover for another day...

No one can score & win...

Finding my flaws & kicking me on all floors, making my emotions yours & using it against me would certainly be a win, win...

Yes its true, Some people are just nasty though & though...

That's how I know what not to do...

But I'm in need here too...

I was doing so fine, Ok at the start considering in a blink of an eye my world fell apart, Then in a matter of days My Heart broken...

grief-stricken...

You have no clue...

I'm devastated, broken, torn in two...

I didn't see it coming, I didn't have a clue...

Really didn't expect you to die, I really didn't, so why didn't I think you was gonna die...

It didn't even enter my head, You wasn't well, But recovery was well on its way...

I heard & listened to what the doctors did say...?

It wasn't a death sentence no way...

I didn't expect you to die...

I really, really didn't that's straight from my heart...

The one you've left shattered & scared till the day I depart...

If only I had known that too I would've stayed at home with you...

The only home I've ever knew, The only place that I belong, the only place that loved my face...

I wish now that when life started with you that I stuck all the way though...

Marching on together...

From the beginning right till the very end...

I cant change none of it, but sometimes its nice to pretend that I could have that again...

We always did always ride & die...

On you I could always depend That's a fact, nothing pretend...

I want to get goldsmith so badly For us & them...

Keeping the memories of you forever alive...

& for my kitty cats too... Wouldn't that be amazing, I'd say...

All the best memories in my entire life was always made with the two of you...

Some died with you both too...

Just like I wanna do...

I really, really just wanna be with you And kitty too...

I'm not being selfish, I just wanna be where I belong & that's with the both of you...