Nearly over now

I hope this ends soon, I know a way out of it but surely it can’t be right. Look, everyone is somehow always happier than me, maybe they’re like me,probably not. Life is all a big act, and I’m nearly giving up. Holding all this in and letting it go every once in awhile in deep waves of depression. The question is which wave will finally drown me or will something save me? I know it won’t be someone because it’s not right to bring anyone down with you, down to the depths of my bottomless pit. So let’s hope I can save myself, yes I laugh, yes I smile, but the one thing I can’t do is live, don’t know how to, I’m a waste, I’m the one who is there but can’t be seen, can’t understand and is slowing fading. See you soon… or never.