RESTLESS

I smoke clouds. Four vodkas down to drown out my troubles. Night calls me and I think of you. Sleep calls me and I think of you. In my dreams I'm thinking of you. Haunted by grief, haunted by symptoms in my dreams. Never free when I sleep. You are a parasite in my flesh when I forgot to lock the door, when I won't surrender. I flow like a stream of mishappenings. Hanging from the ceiling. I've forgotten what peace feels like, to be numb with no thoughts. Trapped in a depression. Aimlessly wandering towards suicide. I get worked up over little things, anxious when the phone rings. Forever restless, I don't know what to think, can't make up my mind. I'm wading through muddy water, violently crying. Some people are water and some people are wine, fighting for the same thing. We die as warriors, calling checkmate. Stale and flippant, but always brave.