She’s, starting again
her tears, watering my toes
streaky makeup is dying my shirt
love’s bleeding colours
are staining my skin, seeping deep
‘I deserve, one more!’
She’s pleading for another chance
I agree completely, wordlessly
her fists are too tight, straining her nail extensions
acrylic bending – I reach, to glove her hands in mine.
Misunderstanding she - leaps, with her eyes
they meet mine, takes a second for her to realise
and she stares back at our hands, understanding
she pulls back, away - she’s, savaging her nail art
on purpose, ‘this, isn’t pain!’
‘Hollowed out and alone, sleeping on soaked pillows
is real pain’ she whispers, while grabbing
and shaking my shoulders, stroking my chin
with the back, of her blood smeared nails
her bare feet, climb on mine – so petite.
We’re, too close and if we fall - now
neither - can survive, so I relent and move sideways
till we’re balancing on the kitchen island
slowly - I lift her by her waist, seat her
on that smooth, cooling: marble countertop.
Religiously, begin cleaning each ruined nail
blowing gently on her pain, she’s becoming listless
alcohol, finally gifting her mercy
I know her routine, survived it - a few times.
Unleashing a last heavy sigh, she headbutts my chest
again and again, trying: to jumpstart my heart…
Next scene, its early morning she’s on top
trying to reignite our damp embers, playing a little rough
pulling at hairs, scratching with dulled nails
biting lips - iron taste, of kisses drowning in crimson
blood, on surrender flag sheets
passion crimes of unyielding love’s, stubborn zeal.
Abruptly, she’s crying - wild
punching my chest, again
trying to break through, one more time
she daringly – tepidly, looks up: eye to eye
her squinting face - horrified, cos she doesn’t recognise
who I am, we’ve become strangers - overnight…
Been a year, and she’s walking past
doesn’t recognise me - completely, a lot has changed
I’m all tracksuits and manic beard
got my toolkit in one hand, an opened beer can in the other
I’m counting ten steps, one for each year we shared a ring
look back to watch twilight draping, her perfect silhouette…
Four years, since that fateful twilight scene
a startling knock at my door
I open, and just stare blankly - amazed
she’s got wrinkles and grey strands, I don’t recognise
she’s leaning back, wide-eyed at my shining scalp
slowly, she meets my eyes and her knees - collapse
I’ve wrapped her limp body in my arms
and follow her alarmed sister to their car
place her in the back seat, without a hair out of place
and walk back to the house, come out
with some ammonia and wine, to wake her and dull her
her sister takes over, and I melt back: into my survival shadows.
Decades - too late, and I’m at her funeral
arriving, hours
after everyone who matters – has left
dirt on her plot, still unsettled
headstone, just laying by her side - not yet placed
reads: beloved wife and cherished mother…
I let my fingers seek, melting into her grave
and whisper my final confession.
‘Know, that I never stopped loving you, it’s just
the image of you and him, snapped
something important deep - deep, inside
and it knocked out, all my lights.’
choking as tears - like waterfalls, serenade her grave.
Standing up, one shaking knee at a time
I look at my hand and notice
our ring, is missing
in its place, tattooed stain marks of her grave
I smile, knowingly
‘Ok dear, you keep it then
like my heart, it was yours: from the first…’
I shuffle away
making three movements, to take a step
and liking this sensation
of drying feelings on my cheeks, once again
seems like it has been a lifetime
since I felt anything this real, I muse.
My spirit, broken but serene - belatedly realise
if this, is what it costs
to love, with all we’ve got - then in a blink
I would suffer it all again, for you at least: my dear!
I merge back
into my shadowless state
whistling, Bonnie Raitt:
‘….and, you can’t make
your heart feel, something it won’t
….in this final hour
I will lay down, my heart.’
Powerless, yet still - defiant
in the face, of ill-fate
grateful: till our very end…
© L. B. Mek
September 2021
-
Author:
L. B. Mek (
Offline) - Published: September 10th, 2021 02:57
- Category: Unclassified
- Views:
- Users favorite of this poem: Saxon Crow, dusk arising, Fay Slimm., Joker Moon, aDarkerMind, HannahElisabeth, Goldfinch60, Dove, DreamyDumpling.
Offline)
Comments11
By far, for me, the best poem you have ever created and shared. It held me prisoner from start to finish, if there was an absolute favourite button I'd use it on this mastetpiece LB. Truly beautiful
deeply humbled, kind poet
bless, your overtly generous soul..
I shall cherish your comment
and it will fuel my determination
in the inevitable dark moments of life.
Thank you! what a start to my week
Saxon says it for me here too LBM. I was held, gripped all the stronger as i read further.
Love does not go away, we hide from it when we must, we lie for it and we die with it. Nothing compares.
You pushed all the buttons today. A favourite for sure.
wow!
high praise indeed from someone
with such a discerning eye, thank you Dusk
I was scared you might find it too long..
'Love does not go away
we hide from it when we must'..
wise words - derived, from survived experiences
of life, Thank you! dear insightful Poet
I suppose we don’t have to judge the character of the poet to appreciate the work as good.
Agree wholeheartedly with Sax - I was captured entirely with the opening lines of this sensational saga of undying love your pen has conjoured a compelling linguistic winner for me L.B.- a certain favourite to read over again - -- and again.
it was your kind and encouraging comments
from my last scribble, regarding works with narrative
that helped me post this write and Monday's, as a pair..
so I thank you, humbly
for gifting me that small but important nudge
how very generous you are, to us all
dear Fay
both the old crow & DA somehow stole my thunder ...
I would like to say F'ing brilliant but I suspect that will eventually come ......... Neville
you already know
just having your name, adorn any of my scribbles
makes it all worthwhile for me
even if its the only name
it shall forever, be: more than enough
to keep me going, in this tempestuous path
along Poesy's, unending climb..
thank you, my friend!
on a scale of 1 to 5 L B Mek....
this work of art gets a perfect 10;
oh, wow
you, Too?
this is some surreal reality, I've woken up to
y'all, are just too generous..
and for that, and for every syllable of Genius
you've chosen to share here, on MPS
I'll just, thank you! humbly..
so glad, I could repay you
with the experience of reading
something you can connect with
like you do for me, so often.
Thank you! dear 'Supremely Talented' Poet
This was by far the most captivating piece of art I've read in... I don't even have a comparison for this. This was absolutely heart-wrenchingly, breathtakingly beautiful.
'absolutely
heart-wrenchingly, breathtakingly beautiful.'
as is the Love, I was trying to portray
Thank you! dear Poet
you've summarised every ounce
of my intent, in sharing this humble scribble
I'm humbled by your depth of insight
and your generosity of invested Time
how very kind!
What a poem, it pulled me right into it Mek. That love will always be there no matter what the circumstances.
Andy
Amen!
although, it takes away - a good slice of you
it leaves behind a warmth
that can't be replicated
by any other experience: in life.
I just knew, that you would understand Andy
since you too, have a beloved
that's, nourished your heart with a lasting love.
Thank you for the supportive words, my friend
Wow. I am wordless.
thank you! your wordlessness
means a lot to me, dear poet
I’m impressed! I agree this is one of your best! Least it’s very relatable! I give this a million stars, by the way I found your ring! It was buried in my heart. As I knelt beside you at the grave
keep it safe, then dear Poet
tuck it in tight, somewhere
where it won't, ware and tare
so easily,
let it last, a little longer
in the hands of someone, capable
of loving again...
(Thank you, my friend)
A heartfelt beautiful write of love..
how very kind of you to look back on my previous posts
thank you! what an encouraging gesture
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