The Etymology of a Heartbreak

When I google the definition
of a heartbreak,
it says it means
overwhelming distress.

My brain doesn’t want to
settle for this definition.
For I sometimes think
that a word should sound
like its meaning. And trust me,

overwhelming distress
doesn’t sound as
heart wrenching as this
traumatizing encounter
of unending grief is.

You see, heartbreak-

Heartbreak was born
when I knew something
was eating you but I
didn’t have the guts
to talk about it to you.

It has not been my best friend.

I tried to befriend it,
only to get hurt again.

And again.

And again

till I could finally come
to terms with the fact that

Heartbreak is a silent killer.

Like that one blocked
contact on your phone
you don’t want to meet in
person but somehow
you keep running into them
every alternative weekend.

If you could’ve just told
us what was wrong,

we could have tried.

Maybe it wouldn’t have saved
you, but we could’ve tried.

Ever since you killed yourself,

I’ve been looking for butterflies in the ocean
and stingrays in the sky. I’ve been throwing
stones to the firmament, hoping that they would skip
and hit one of those stars out there, which is to say

everything has turned upside down.

Who knows, that star I’m trying
to hit, maybe you.

I’m trying to get you
to look at me. And tell you
that you left for no reason.
It was stupid of you,
and you don’t know
how much you were loved.

It’s been 10 years.

I’m still here.

You’re still there.

Not answering my phone calls
or replying my texts.

I wish

Google could show me
where you are

when I ask them the
etymology of a heartbreak.

Because for all I’ve known,
the more we love,
the more prone we get
to breaking our hearts.

~ Swift!