Teddy.15

November’s Ashes

 

It all started

On a very dark morning

 One November day

I can describe the darkness

I could feel it in the air

And in my bones

 

 

Darkened clouds

With an eerie creepy atmosphere

A haunting feeling

And a cold breeze that was most unwelcome

It almost felt as if I, was depressed

Even though I knew I wasn’t

 

 

Then the terrible news arrived

It was around 8:am

“He’s gone he’s gone”

Whispers on a phone, that I can still hear today

I can honestly tell you, I could feel the pain

Even before I was told, the news

In my heart I knew

 Something was very wrong

 

 

And unfortunately

It didn’t end there…

 

But for now, I can tell you this

Sharing with you

Makes me feel as if I’m standing

Totally naked

With nowhere to hide my vulnerability

Because

Just by telling you these things

Overwhelms me with anger

And with great sadness

 

All the same, I’m glad you’re here.

 

 

Comments9

  • dusk arising

    One of those times which will live vividly with you forever. I knew a lady who's lover "committed" (such a strange word in these circumstances) suicide. It left her with mental problems affecting relationships.
    A very personal piece from you today and I hope sharing it this way relieves some of the pain you carry, even if for a while. MPS is a great friendly place to share thoughts and feelings.... sharing and caring.

    • Teddy.15

      infact dear dusk, i wouldn't have posted this if i thought it would be laughed at. It is my pleasure to share, and because of what happened I changed my entire life for the better, I do not live in grief every day, I have a wonderful life because this showed me "it really is now or never " we cannot always choose our fate but if we are indeed lucky enough to, for me it will always to choose happiness. x and this whole story sent me to a new life in Italy, where i am at great peace. Thank you dear friend, for your sensitivity and great friendship.

    • orchidee

      A poignant write Teddy.

      • Teddy.15

        thank you dear Orchi. x

      • Accidental Poet

        Heartfelt ((((HUGS)))) for you Teddy. I'm glad you're here too. 🌹

        • Teddy.15

          ((((Hugs)))) right back A.P a huge thank you for reading. 🤗

          • Accidental Poet

            I had to leave for work this morning, so I couldn't leave a lengthy message. But I know you think about your brother everyday, and somedays all day. I personally have never lost a family member or friend in the way you lost your brother. But I know it has to be the most difficult experience to endure. I know no words can take away the pain, but my deepest condolences go out to you and your family.

          • Fay Slimm.

            Sharing can often aid others facing the same and your experience so carefully yet honestly written will affect all hearts when contemplating such tragedy - -- my cousin coped after losing her son to suicide in much the same way as your self - heartfelt hugs to you dear Teddy with thanks for sharing the unspeakable pain and the change you underwent after losing your brother.

            • Teddy.15

              Your words mean so much dear Fay just the fact you are here telling me about your cousin's story makes me feel proud to have had this courage to write it down to share. My mother eventually died of sorrow as her heart simply gave up (that is my own thought because I knew how sad she was) but I am overjoyed that your cousin has faced it in the best way, obviouy she has more strength than anyone, I cannot thank you enough dear Fay. 🤗

            • aDarkerMind

              heartbreaking Teddy;
              my best friend, a few years ago after a new years bash, took his own life;
              if only I knew why!
              lost both my parents last year during lockdown, shortly after, my brother took his own life;
              my pain might ease one day, but it will never go away;
              but like you, I dont chase sympathy;
              a poem to share x

              • Teddy.15

                Wow, all I can say is a deep deep thank you Melvin, so deeply sorry to hear about your story, yours is so raw so very raw and yes we do not seek sympathy we seek relativity a chance to help someone who is in need and maybe find some peace within what is unfortunately the bad side to life. Thank you Melvin, my most strongest hugs to you dear friend. Thank you.

              • BusyB

                I am so sorry for your loss, the pain never recedes you just learn to live with it. 🤗

                • Teddy.15

                  Dearest BusyB thank you so much for coming by to read, yes it is so true what you say we can never forget what is lost but we carry on hopefully in a way that doesn't make it all about loss, thank you dear friend. X

                • Laura🌻

                  My dear Teddy,

                  So sad to have lost a brother so young. An insufferable event causing so much pain for the mourning family and friends. Thank you for sharing your personal story. I’m confident that anyone who can relate to your story, will find some comfort in your words and learn from them. It changed your life in a very positive way.
                  ❤️Brava!🤗

                  Laura🌻

                  • Teddy.15

                    Dear Laura, the whole thing brought me to Italy to the beautiful life I have now. 💖 thank you so much for your tender words, dear friend. X grazie con tutto il Cuore

                    • Laura🌻

                      Sono contentissima per te, mia cara amica.❤️

                      Ti auguro Una Buonanotte e Sogni d’oro.🤗

                    • Goldfinch60

                      Such powerful words Teddy, I have never known anyone who committed suicide but before I met Joyce her best friend did so and she never ever forgot the pain it caused her.

                      I have, on one occasion, prevented someone from doing it, such a relief for both of us.

                      Andy

                      • Teddy.15

                        You are amazing dear Andy, unfortunately after covid it's happening even more. Even in my local town, it's such a shame when people think it's the only way out. Thank you dear friend. X

                      • Poetic Dan

                        Thank you for stepping into a brave vulnerable space and may it help others to do the same, to keep alive an act or a name. We should sing it from our hearts to continue the flame.

                        Much peace and respect
                        Thanks again for sharing this

                        • Teddy.15

                          Dear Dan, there you are, I want to thank you for inspiring this work, I hope with all my heart it may help others. It certainly helped me. X Thank you my dear friend.

                          • Poetic Dan

                            Then if the ripples stop there we can both take a breath with harmony in the air!

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