XIdlepoetX

Loveless Boys

Somethings are just too tragic to talk about. I have to lock them away in the darkest corners of my mind, in those places deprived of warm light, and I promise to forget about them. But at times, mostly when I don't expect it, they creep back like a hollow intruder, and in visions of death I'm passive, I can't fight back. But it's in those times I'm grateful for my lousy memory, because I don't want to remember how I was torn from limb to limb, that piercing sound vibration bathing in the labyrinth, those memories so big and full of torture their blackness crushes me. I want to live in the bliss of my childhood summer, the pink fizz bubbling from every pore. The milk berry liquid coming to shore. I've welcomed fury like a mad disease, and I succumb to the rowing fog. All I know is to bask in the peace, because when times get tough my tears are not strong enough, and the vibrant intensity of my wishing is a failure. Driftwood tangled in a mushroom cloud of weeds. I burnished dusk and adored your smile, more precious than a rare diamond, more blurry than those vacations I find myself cruising for the touch of a man, a waving hand. Pacified by those bright pills I'd get choked up on, I transform into a planet ironing my doubts and revolve around a special kind of love. Forbidden love. You left my lionheart as cold as a haunted room and told me I meant nothing to you. You said you wished you had never met me, that you should have left me at that harbour, and in that glimmering  pyramid I felt like the rose you never took, a universe made out of loveless boys. Masks slipping and a barbed wire voice cinched, seldom loved. Unwanted marigold. That depressing and jaded feeling flows like a turbulent river through me, seeping into all my echoes. All I ever wanted was your love, but all you ever did was make me feel lonely. You seen me cry and like you said, I mean nothing. I slip into the black ink of night and my spirit soars. In a flowery pastime I am bored of my purpose. You push me away but still I want to get closer to you.       

 

Comments1

  • Marie

    A very poignant write from the dark side of life. SO difficult to love someone so much only to be rejected by them. Life goes on and so must we and as you so rightly say, life is lonely without that special someone in one's life, but by closing the door on that person so they can't re-enter your life, you are opening another door for that so special someone to walk through. Feelings very finely penned and expressed. Thank you for sharing, dear writer...



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