Loveless Boys

Somethings are just too tragic to talk about. I have to lock them away in the darkest corners of my mind, in those places deprived of warm light, and I promise to forget about them. But at times, mostly when I don't expect it, they creep back like a hollow intruder, and in visions of death I'm passive, I can't fight back. But it's in those times I'm grateful for my lousy memory, because I don't want to remember how I was torn from limb to limb, that piercing sound vibration bathing in the labyrinth, those memories so big and full of torture their blackness crushes me. I want to live in the bliss of my childhood summer, the pink fizz bubbling from every pore. The milk berry liquid coming to shore. I've welcomed fury like a mad disease, and I succumb to the rowing fog. All I know is to bask in the peace, because when times get tough my tears are not strong enough, and the vibrant intensity of my wishing is a failure. Driftwood tangled in a mushroom cloud of weeds. I burnished dusk and adored your smile, more precious than a rare diamond, more blurry than those vacations I find myself cruising for the touch of a man, a waving hand. Pacified by those bright pills I'd get choked up on, I transform into a planet ironing my doubts and revolve around a special kind of love. Forbidden love. You left my lionheart as cold as a haunted room and told me I meant nothing to you. You said you wished you had never met me, that you should have left me at that harbour, and in that glimmering  pyramid I felt like the rose you never took, a universe made out of loveless boys. Masks slipping and a barbed wire voice cinched, seldom loved. Unwanted marigold. That depressing and jaded feeling flows like a turbulent river through me, seeping into all my echoes. All I ever wanted was your love, but all you ever did was make me feel lonely. You seen me cry and like you said, I mean nothing. I slip into the black ink of night and my spirit soars. In a flowery pastime I am bored of my purpose. You push me away but still I want to get closer to you.