Disloyal

I walk in an endless circle listening to war songs

I never stop walking until my ankles can no longer keep me up

I cry as I dance in my head

The way I'm free in mind but only in the mind

My current surrounding covered in black 

No matter how much I reach out the light is harder and harder to find each time

Now it's up to me to decide if I want to keep searching or accept my defeat

In a unkept land that I tend to pace in

I smile even without feeling

Just so I can feel something

The muscles of my grin

Nothing else attached yet I never expected

I'm expecting less and less

And seem to settle with the bare minimum of my state of mind

Because my reason to live is becoming to want to see

I live for me is far gone

I am now living for others

Even when I tried to live for myself it's not trusted

Yet who would trust me with me?

I guess maybe living for me is too hard for anyone to see

So I keep walking until my feet bleed and bruise

Nonstop until my heart can feel less sorrow

Yet my sorrow never ends so I wait until my legs break

Because whom will keep me going tomorrow to come

I keep walking so I can walk even more tomorrow

So I can get out of bed with the muscle like grin

I express my pain and sorrow in ways that I sometimes can't see

Too much to keep track of how it seeps out of me

When I think of sadness I think of it as normal because it is

When I think of my melancholy heart I think of an end

The sadness you can heal

But your beaten soul you can not

But only to learn to function with said soul

And walk through fury throughout what they call life

We work harder just to get paid less

Some work less just to get paid more

There is no fairness to this "life"

But that is not my reason

It's just that there is no fairness even within me for myself

That's the biggest betrayal of all

Disloyal I have never been but look at me now

Disloyal I  remain

Copyright ©2021 Tia Davis. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written consent of the author or publisher. All my poetry is copyrighted and stored in the author's base. All material subject to Copyright Infringement laws Section 512(c)(3) of the U.S. Copyright Act, 17 U.S.C. S512(c)(3), Tia Davis.