HannahElisabeth

Attachment Theory


Notice of absence from HannahElisabeth
Taking a long overdue mental health vacation. I will check in when I can.

That first night he wrapped his arms around me

He felt like coming home

 

I just wish I'd known the difference then

 

Between the way a home should feel

And the only one I've ever known

  • Author: HannahElisabeth (Offline Offline)
  • Published: September 19th, 2021 16:02
  • Comment from author about the poem: A piece I wrote in the midst of trying to untangle myself from an abusive marriage while coming to terms with unsavory family dynamics. Oh the joys of being a psychology major...
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views:
  • Users favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek, Heart of Babel.

Comments2

  • dusk arising

    How frightening the outside world can appear when the intimacy of our home refuge is terrifying in itself. Such courage is found in fear to extricate oneself.

    • HannahElisabeth

      Hence the reason I found refuge in poetry and other forms of art. I'm hoping that by sharing my story, others will find the courage as well.

      On a happier note, I had the chance to rewrite what home feels like now 🙂

    • L. B. Mek

      my lingering regret
      and the burden I've managed to evade,
      in life
      has been 'not' entering the psychiatry profession,
      see, while I will scream to the skies
      about its quintessential utility in our everyday lives,
      I truly believe you need to be a really strong individual (mentally and empathetically)
      to willingly burden your existence, with the turmoil and suffering of others;
      that is, if you truly want to make a difference, and not just
      dish-out prescriptions and platitudes, to validate your billing hours...
      'the way a home
      should feel:
      And the only one
      I've ever known'..
      what frustrates the most
      from having being around and in love
      with several individuals: suffering, dealing and surviving
      from various forms of 'abusive loved-one's, in their lives'
      is the entrapped powerlessness, those individuals are Made to feel,
      and that underpins the root cause to all their suffering..
      see, here is the bottom line truth that connects all the various diverse cases,
      from what I have gleaned of the suffering I've witnessed
      (in my humble opinion):
      'we all, inflict a measure of suffering: upon ourselves!'
      No!
      that does not in any way, validate other's hurtful actions, against us
      nor does it equate, to us 'being deserving' of the pain, we've been forced to experience: Never!
      What I mean, is that
      underlying everything
      in our lives, 'we tolerate in the name of belonging, loyalty or a warped sense love'
      is our inability, to affirm and enact the most basic principle
      in any life:
      That we Too, Deserve: the very Best
      experience of Existence, simply
      because, We Do!
      without need for justification or cause, we Must realise,
      we are and always Will Be, the Most valuable component in Our lives...!
      But, sometimes
      unbeknown to us, those same childhood experiences and joys we treasure
      have subtly or profoundly, warped our sense of self, and so
      maybe
      we're aesthetically beautiful, but feel pathetic for everyone judging us by our looks alone
      and we unknowingly, gravitate
      to those who treat our Beauty with indifference
      confusing ourselves that in actuality, they like us for who we are underneath,
      when in actuality, that's just their ploy...
      Or maybe, we're the smartest person, in every room we enter
      and yet, we're drawn
      to those individuals, who cherish our aesthetic quality's and gift us, a fun loving simplistic experience of life, only
      what they are doing, is trying to control us,
      and demean our superior intellect by making us devalue that aspect of ourselves, we - in actuality: cherish the most...
      (That's why, after witnessing
      all the suffering I have
      my message has been refined
      and its simply this:
      create distance from that which generates hurt in your life
      then,
      excavate, from within
      however painful and hard;
      that part of yourself, which covets the suffering other's threaten your life with;
      only then, do we have a chance
      of insuring, we never - again
      fall victim, to those vultures
      waiting to pounce on the weakness:
      'We' project to the world...)
      forgive me, dear poet
      your words sparked a part of me that represses a lot of regret, for so many
      I have come across in my life
      that try as I might, at the time
      I was ill equipped to help in any meaningful or lasting fashion
      and so, I have gone-off
      on yet another tangent
      and hijacked your comments section, so rudely
      (thank you for writing something that inspired me, in such a strong way, dear Poet)

      • HannahElisabeth

        Do not apologize for feeling so impassioned as to write such a long and thought out reply; I can feel the concern and empathy in your message. And you are far too correct about the gravitation towards someone who didn't prioritize looks, mistakenly believing it was love for who I was underneath.
        I'm grateful that, in all of this, I learned how to love and respect myself enough to enforce healthy boundaries now. As painful as the lessons were, you could say the rose-colored glasses have been shattered and that is a positive in my opinion.
        Thank you dearly for the thought out reply my friend, we certainly do need more caring individuals in the field of psychiatry. And I resonate with the feeling of being ill equipped to help those around me. Take comfort in that you have inspired me to post my more vulnerable pieces, that alone is a beautiful thing in my humble opinion. So thank you dearly for your contributions on MPS. You have, in fact, made a positive difference.



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