rew4er2nail

Mine psyche riddled with dybbuk - haint no joke

Thru emerging adulthood awareness awoke

within noggin of average baby boomer bloke

catastrophization toward risk taking I evoke

positive growth experiences throughout vast

number of orbitz around sun never kickstarted

nor linkedin with potential livingsocial folk.

 

Courtesy solitude yours truly

proffers poetic obscurantist blatherskite

discombobulated clishmaclaver will delight

expressing how me courage doth take fright

puncturing since boyhood head to toe height

housing crotchety, fidgety, impiety bent knight

impossible mission to summon bravado might

thus, I figuratively slink within analogous shell

avoiding testing comfortable autozone outright

trumpeting unconvincing lame excuse quite -

begetting, drafting, fielding, heralding, jump-
starting, loosing, notching another
psychological another mischievous sprite.

 

I submissively succumb opportunistically,
meekly, heroically, and dutifully attest

to surrender once plagued narcissistic self

to beastly merciless beck and call behest

all the while actualizing, envisioning,

and imagining outlook as if afflicted

with dissociative identity disorder,

whereby manifested spirit housed in my chest

spontaneously showing up as unwanted guest.

 

Twas deadly scourge

of one obsessive/compulsive disorder

anorexia nervosa absent bulimia - nadir

of onset sans quasi schizoid behavior,

which agonizingly slow suicide

by self starvation

mailer daemon maelstrom
within mine psyche

when yours truly prepubescent lad

(particularly devastating

 

to immediate family members)

as emaciation pitted existential revulsion

from unseen wuthering heights

nearly wrung death knell

annihilating me fragile entity

with peremptory imprimatur

yielding covalent bond to death

readily obvious to kith and kin

via zorro like signature per profound

perilous depressive psychological state.

 

Now - at about two score plus eighteen years

from attaining rank of centenarian

perfect 20/20 hindsight

offers supreme advantage

from said aforementioned psychological crisis

within mind of yours truly

middle aged progeny and sole sol

(of Boyce and Harriet Harris

mine father and mother respectively)

hypothesizing numerous educated guesses

why he willfully hurtled his flesh at light speed

down the abyss toward his demise.

 

Literal and physical lightness of being

manifested within nooks and crannies

prior to full blown symptoms

to eliminate sustenance

drawing the curtain on brief residence

way before high noon of life.

metamorphosis from boyhood into man

found solace in attempting to keep at bay

 

natural cycle which transformation grieved me

to pine for nostalgic childhood’s end,

(albeit one fraught with romanticism)

vengefully interpreted attempt

to halt dead in the tracks intervention of mother

whose nursing experience

helped fend off passive attempt

to promulgate passive silent plan to fruition.

 

She whipped various

nutritious concoctions in the blender

to ensure minimal essentials to this

(I readily admit) famished body

in conjunction with applying vital supplements into

one or the other bony gluteus maximus

thru fuel injection

which submissiveness to acquiesce

and bare my buttocks

did absolutely nothing to squelch death wish.

 

I inexorably overcame eating disorder

to cease going on deadly hunger strike,

which essentially constituted

a declaration of independent control

despite horrendous deprivation
regarding voracious craving for food

stuffing innards like a pike

bifurcated psychic division to live

ousted coeval death wish sans goal

seize yore per reminiscence of blissful

childhood over-flooded self made dike

engendering propensity to catapult

over abysmal emotional hole

and way before the invention of facebook,

I mentally clicked like mental health

to fight the mailer daemons

that part of me healthy development stole.



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