Methacton High School graduating class MCMLXXVII

diploma acquired magna cum laude – double entendre

 

Xlv years elapsed since

I (former long haired pencil necked geek)

bid alma mater adieu,

the quietest kid, who never said boo
nobody discerned handy dandy blues clue

what yours truly thought,

cause figurative blanks he drew

remaining quiet as a Unitarian church mouse
never uttered a dog gone peep

extrovertedness he did eschew

even now two score and five years

 

after donning mortarboard and gown few

and far between words spoken

courtesy me, a former

Norwegian bachelor farmer
Lake Wobegon mine imaginary home

solely without friends grew

impulse to become linkedin

through schizoid personality disorder
offered solitary existence

alone within emotional wilderness hue

 

cannot imagine loneliness

(analogous to be bajillion miles

from nearest neighbor

while housed within igloo
mattered not whether gentile or Jew)

at tender growing up age obliviousness

suffused every cell constituting
Matthew Scott Harris

interestingly enough yours

truly quite outspoken

 

thru dimpled cheeky

adipose characterized kazoo

flatulence courtesy pop slop
incorporating secret ingredient
intended to ward off licentious

pheromone exuding females loo

sing hormonal secretions,

anyway said unmentioned

quite tolerant spouse,

(who remained faithfully

married enduring quarter century)

despite incessant husband

buttuck blasting - courtesy moo

ving odoriferous soundcloud waves

issuing ass him tote across avast spatial plane

resultant impact on par with nu

cull lee air fallout ooh

noxious human air pollution pu

tress hint smell as natural deterrent

to sexual reproduction, nevertheless

semen aligned (alphabetically

 

by athletic prowess) think queue

wee warriors able, eager ready and willing to

increase chromosomal revenue

blaring semper fidelis

as lucky sperm pierces zona pellucida

wee acted screw yule us,

when call of the wild – bald truth
found me to ejaculate and spew

sticky goo, and stopped reproducing

after daughter number two

me unbiased, but both offspring

attractive in their papa's view.