Letter to my rapist

To my rapist
You didn't feel the confusion that I felt that morning.
Confused as to what happened the night before, 
unsure of myself and doubting.
You didn't feel the dread, as I slowly pieced together the events bit by bit
Memory by memory
And you didn't feel the horrible sense of realisation, after I'd put the jigsaw of the night back together
You could not fathom the sense of disgust I had  crushing me
And then the guilt because that disgust was aimed at myself, and not you
You couldn't comprehend the humiliation I felt, when I realised you had premeditated everythingg
I would not be able to describe you, the distress I felt telling my family what you had done to me
Or the physical pain I was put through for 3 hours to collect your dna from my most intimate of areas 
Of the weeks of agonising stomach cramps I had to endure because I didn't want to carry your baby
But the one thing you will never truly understand, is my utter hatred for you. 
Fuck you. Fuck. You. FUCK YOU.