I love you, and I'm sorry.

Zyphril

You are my reason for being,
my beautiful beacon of light.

Your love is like a lighthouse,
when I'm lost at sea
in treacherous waters,
guiding me out of the chaos
and into your embrace.

Your warmth,
melts away the ice that has been protecting my soul,
your touch...
makes me feel as though I'll never be abandoned again.

That's why I'm so scared.
I can't help but anticipate the end,
because everything I love
disappears eventually.

Yet, despite my flaws...
you love me unconditionally. 

You never falter. 
You never waiver in your support.

I never want to lose you.

I'm terrified,
so I attempt to protect myself
from your disappearance 
by pushing you away.

Can't you see?

I'm so sorry 
that I constantly fear your absence
but losing another person
is a fate worse than death to me.

I've lost enough already.

I'm sorry. I know deep down you think I don't love you.
How can you believe that,
when I constantly do things that make it seem like I don't.
I can't even comfort you when you're breaking down...

I promise,
I'll never doubt you again.
I'll set aside my paralyzing fear,
and never threaten to leave your side.

I know that must hurt you as much as it would hurt me.

If you see me falling into that behavior,
know it's because I'm afraid
it's not true anger. It's fear. 
A fear rooted in the belief that I'm not worthy of love.

If I start pushing you away,
tell me that you're not going to go anywhere,
and hold me. If I reject it at first,
just keep holding me, and say you love me,
tell me I'm not really feeling that anger
tell me it's my fear.

I need that. I need your help.
I need your help to be better.
Please, help me.
Don't give up on me.

I promise I will change.
I promise I will comfort you when you need it.
I will reassure you.
I will give you everything that you deserve.

I just want you to be happy,
and I'm realizing another person isn't going to give you that.
You don't want anybody else.
You want me. 

I'm so sorry that the person you spend most of your time with
makes you feel unwanted,
and makes you feel unsafe with your emotions.

I love you. I want you to feel special.

  • Author: Zyphril (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: October 27th, 2021 13:40
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 22
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Comments3

  • Violet bluebell( used to be yellow rose)

    Lovely read ) you express yourself nicely . It’s difficult to feel so insecure … within relationships ,

    • Zyphril

      Thank you for your kind words.

    • dusk arising

      A truly revealing piece demonstrating how lack of self love interferes with the ability to feel worthy of love from a partner.
      Lack of self love is often a result of poor parenting and can last a lifetime.
      Spending time alone outside relationships and developing interests and hobbies can be a good route to finding self love.

      • Zyphril

        Spot on. I didn't get much love as a kid and my parents always made me feel as if I wasn't worthy of it from myself or from others.

      • L. B. Mek

        I laud the vulnerable veracity of your accessible wording,
        and brave yearning in your transparent desperation;
        thanks for sharing!
        I hope the right person gets to read and understand your message, and by extension, the depth of your feelings..
        all the best!

        • Zyphril

          My fiancé liked this poem a lot. I'm happy.



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