Some memories and some reparations

My phone doesn't buzz with notifications anymore

those few occasions when it does, my mind like a bird doesn't soar
 high into the sky, like it did once before

its just this iron fist now which clenches

chocking my breath, making my palms go cold, like it did before

only that now I just don't wish for this feeling anymore,

its just those hopeless memories in my body and head

thinking that maybe you have decided to turn back again, instead of just going far away into nothingness

my waves of reason crash at the shore of my naïve mind

and hopeless with failure they always fall behind

striking again and again, making me get used to the pain

telling me "it's over, making new hopes will be in vain"

but my brain which again, will never refrain, from believing in a lie, even if that belief is in vain

for it had in its gain far too much to just flush it down to the drains of memory and experiences

and thus ensues the never ending fight

until after one night, when the sun shined the morning bright

it started to hurt less, the burden became a bit light

this balm which time had been applying, started to make things right

or so it wanted to show, that with its never ending flow

things will become better, the darkness will be replaced by glow,

and the story will carry on. But my mind cried "oh, hold on!!….

its just reparations you provide you idiot, your master is still the tiger and I am still the fawn!"