Little girl

It feels like time is never mine,
not like it used to be.
My attention is owed to everyone, 
I can’t focus anymore.
Why can’t I have this one thing?
Just this one thing.
I don’t understand.
I don't understand how someone, 
someone who demands 
so much from herself 
cannot give enough to bring her back.
I gave up my sleep, my time,
myself, my mind.
I gave it all away, she left anyway.
I need her back to be free.
Please give me back the girl I used to be.
Give back the girl who got lost 
in books and stars, 
the girl who loved to laugh and learn.
I need her back.
Please let me have her back.
Maybe I’ll find my happiness in her smile,
I haven't had a reason to in a while.
Not since opinions mattered, 
not since living was a hazard.
I won’t lie, I'm not always sad,
the girl who loved to live is still inside.
Still, I wish she didn’t hide.
It feels like she’s not there,
can’t lure her out, I’m aware
I know I don’t deserve her,
but maybe if she visits more, 
she’ll trust me like before.
‘Cause I can’t cage her in,
I know bribing won’t work.
I’ll have to build her a bed covered 
in clouds where she’ll go unbothered.
I’ll have to feed her sweets
that will melt in her mouth.
I’ll have to build her a home.
But a home won’t make her stay,
without love she’ll go away.
And I don't mean I’ll have to love a boy,
I won't have to love a girl.
I’ll have to take myself back from the world,
it still has what it stole.
I’ll have to learn to control
the impulse to keep giving
pieces of myself. 
I gave up my everything.
I gave up my sleep, my time,
myself, my mind.
It took my love for her with it.
So when I say I can’t smile in the morning,
it doesn’t mean I hate yawning. 
It means I can’t find a reason to wake up without her.
I can’t eat even when I’m hungry
because I know she’s been starving for years.
I have learned to live without her.
Slowly.
Mechanically.
I don’t have to enjoy it,
I just have to breathe.
I don't think I can breathe anymore.
Please let me have her back.
I need her back so I can be free.
Give me back the girl I used to be.
I’ll beg for my sleep back,
so she won’t be alone.
I’ll beg for my time back,
just a minute or two,
wouldn't you beg for it too?
Do you think the world will be kind? 
Will it return my mind?
If it does, I swear to learn to repair
the pieces of a broken thing, 
to care for this person, 
or woman, or girl.
I’ll build a home
It will be her own.
And maybe then
she won't leave anymore,
Maybe then, 
she’ll be happy like

before.