Meg

Little girl

 

It feels like time is never mine,
not like it used to be.
My attention is owed to everyone, 
I can’t focus anymore.
Why can’t I have this one thing?
Just this one thing.
I don’t understand.
I don't understand how someone, 
someone who demands 
so much from herself 
cannot give enough to bring her back.
I gave up my sleep, my time,
myself, my mind.
I gave it all away, she left anyway.
I need her back to be free.
Please give me back the girl I used to be.
Give back the girl who got lost 
in books and stars, 
the girl who loved to laugh and learn.
I need her back.
Please let me have her back.
Maybe I’ll find my happiness in her smile,
I haven't had a reason to in a while.
Not since opinions mattered, 
not since living was a hazard.
I won’t lie, I'm not always sad,
the girl who loved to live is still inside.
Still, I wish she didn’t hide.
It feels like she’s not there,
can’t lure her out, I’m aware
I know I don’t deserve her,
but maybe if she visits more, 
she’ll trust me like before.
‘Cause I can’t cage her in,
I know bribing won’t work.
I’ll have to build her a bed covered 
in clouds where she’ll go unbothered.
I’ll have to feed her sweets
that will melt in her mouth.
I’ll have to build her a home.
But a home won’t make her stay,
without love she’ll go away.
And I don't mean I’ll have to love a boy,
I won't have to love a girl.
I’ll have to take myself back from the world,
it still has what it stole.
I’ll have to learn to control
the impulse to keep giving
pieces of myself. 
I gave up my everything.
I gave up my sleep, my time,
myself, my mind.
It took my love for her with it.
So when I say I can’t smile in the morning,
it doesn’t mean I hate yawning. 
It means I can’t find a reason to wake up without her.
I can’t eat even when I’m hungry
because I know she’s been starving for years.
I have learned to live without her.
Slowly.
Mechanically.
I don’t have to enjoy it,
I just have to breathe.
I don't think I can breathe anymore.
Please let me have her back.
I need her back so I can be free.
Give me back the girl I used to be.
I’ll beg for my sleep back,
so she won’t be alone.
I’ll beg for my time back,
just a minute or two,
wouldn't you beg for it too?
Do you think the world will be kind? 
Will it return my mind?
If it does, I swear to learn to repair
the pieces of a broken thing, 
to care for this person, 
or woman, or girl.
I’ll build a home
It will be her own.
And maybe then
she won't leave anymore,
Maybe then, 
she’ll be happy like

before.

Comments2

  • dusk arising

    Mind bending torment of regret. How life can shape us into places we dont want to be, things we'd better not see, people we don't want to be. And there are memories which are our backbone, the joy of childhood ingrained in our souls.

  • spilleronsheet

    It’s sad
    I hope you find that girl again
    Maybe she still resides inside
    It’s intriguing that we can’t go back to who we were
    Maybe the circumstances change is too much



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