I Can't Smile

When looking back at pictures that show me,

it is hard to say I was happy. 

When seeing the smiles I put on my face and the neverending voices of judgment in my head-

I can't help but say I can't smile.

There is nothing for me to smile for, there is nothing to smile about:

it is all coming down, it is all of the sadness and sorrow the adults talk about,

it is the question upon questions if I will make a mark of this world, and it is all that is not.

When I scurry about in my day to see a picture of me smiling, I can't help but say:

I can't smile.

I have no disability that stops me from smiling, I have no intentions of smiling. I simply will not smile in these times-

frankly, my comprehension for those who do is still not able.

Why smile in this world? Why smile if I do not feel that way?

It may be selfless, but there is only one thing I can say:

I can't smile.