I do not have an inkling as to what women want,
Therefore I'm qualified as any man to advise on this.
All I can draw on are woeful experiences related,
there are reasons ladies reside on Venus, men on Mars.
Many a conversation has been held through the ages,
by men bewildered as to the workings of the female.
Many a tear has been brotherly shed over good drink,
All of us realizing hangovers are easier to navigate.
The angle of attack is quite the given I would say,
It is not a question of attempting the happiness route.
Rather I offer a law designed for male self-preservation,
The quick-fix manual of how not to make a woman unhappy.
Rule number one my friends is universal and not to be broken,
Silence, utter and complete submissive silence if unsure.
We know so well a female word spoken has many meanings,
You WILL choose wrong and you WILL unleash the beast.
Rule number two I can assure you will be a keeper of peace,
Do not lie to your love for she is GOD and knows your mind.
Bending the truth is a trade not easily mastered at first,
Men should exercise the art of white lies on each other.
Rule number three is for the wretch who has knowingly error'd,
I beg do not offer flowers as this will only deepen her wrath.
Your survival is dependent upon puppy eyes and crocodile tears,
As you grovel in the dirt and submit to her every whim and want.
Rule number four is a tool to prevent her emotional madness,
Utter those sweetest of nothings whenever the chance presents.
Make love to her mind and offer her coo-coo moments she needs,
Satisfied she might likely allow you time for personal leisure.
Rule number 5 is a high-risk step not to be taken lightly,
If you have followed the above your life is possibly secure.
You may put your foot down and wear the pants on occasion,
For the female at times needs to feel she is with a real man.
My manual is complete and now is the time for you to follow,
A logical way forward is presented as a guide to your union.
A last warning sounds though and do listen well to my wisdom,
I repeat I still do not have an inkling as to what women want.
-
Author:
Gunnar (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: November 18th, 2021 05:42
- Comment from author about the poem: What was going to be a funny something about how to keep a woman happy somehow changed to how to NOT make a woman unhappy. I have no idea how that happened, past experience perhaps :-)
- Category: Humor
- Views: 41
Offline)
Comments4
A timely message indeed but you forgot to mention..... most of the time women don't know what they want either.
I agree, but oh so inspirational women are 🙂
How will men know? How will they ever know?! Have we the foggiest ideas?! lol. And how to understand mother-in-laws is unfathomable! I'm exaggerating a bit here. lol.
I have not had a mother-inlaw yet...so I have no useless advice to offer 🙂
Come on guys/fellas – you’ve had your fun; now retract in case some naive fool believes all that nonsense and his chance of an open fulfilling relationship with an open kind woman is lost forever.
No smoke without fire...and thats where a hobby poet like me gets a chance to go nuts 😉
Go nuts mate - but these are very localised fires you are aiming at, and thus an exercise in futility.
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