When I'm Alone

There are days I avoid the scale like a plague

Because I think I'm huge when I only eat one meal a day.

I can't maintain eye contact with the person in the mirror

Because it's rude to stare at strangers and,

Lately I feel like a stranger.

My gaze cuts through my thigh,

And in my reflection I am reminded of relapse,

Of breaking down,

Of disappointing,

Of being someone other than who they picture me to be,

Because how could I be so fucking depressed if I'm so funny?

If I can help others climb to views in their minds they never thought they'd see,

Using my pain as a ladder so that I can take a peek,

Laying foundations with my heavy words for the sake of their inner peace?

I have done all of these things for you,

But now I don't recognize me.