you are loved

⚠️TW⚠️ My Eating Disorder

According to science, my body is made of about 30 trillion cells, 1 million of which die every second but I swear it feels like more. It’s gotten to the point where you could make a rhythm from my ribcage and use my hip bones for bass even though the music would be made from something broken maybe then I could see beauty if my body were on repeat, I really am trying. But some days are so dark if they could be ground into powder and poured into French press I would have the world’s strongest espresso. Some days I wake up and forget who is older; me or my eating disorder because I can’t remember life without it, some days I don’t get up at all because the longer I sleep the less I think about food, some days are impossible. But some days are good. Where for a few hours I feel like I’m enough, I feel whole even though so much of me is gone. I feel like I can breathe. And I know it is fleeting and will be gone by morning but for now I have a feeling like thick Irish cream which I pour over the bad days. I make a latte, sip it into the stomach that has become a stranger to something so warm and rich and I am filled with a feeling like I’ve got a reason to keep fighting. 

  • Author: you are loved (Offline Offline)
  • Published: December 1st, 2021 00:07
  • Comment from author about the poem: I have always struggled with my personal appearance. Over time I was diagnosted with an eating disorder. Although I still sometimes struggle with it, I have gotten better.
  • Category: Sad
  • Views:

Comments4

  • Nicholas Browning

    Always tough to come to terms with a personal flaw. I applaud you for fighting it, and accepting it. Welcome to MPS.

  • orchidee

    I'm glad you are getting better.
    I agree with Nicholas too.
    You can't be anyone else than uniquely you. Sometimes we say jokingly, if there were two of anyone, it would be insufferable! lol. Oops, not to insult identical twins.
    But hopefully you can accept yourself more and more; try balanced eating? etc.

  • Lorna

    You've taken us with you on your journey..... it's good to write it down and you did so very well......

  • Angela-a

    This was a very powerful read. As someone who can relate to your struggle you captured the frustrating hopelessness of suffering through something like this for so long. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable piece.



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