Waiting...

Waiting... 

The smell of disinfectant brings me out of my reverie
I watch poppa as he slowly counts each bead on the rosary
The lines on his face are etched with glass
His eyes find mine how long will this last
The concern is apparent on his loving face
Why tonight of all nights are we in this place
I can feel the walls tremble under there own weight
Maybe this is the time to turn life into fate
I scrunch up my hands lost deep in thought
Looking back at my life my stomach forms a knot
A nurse walks past pushing a faded yellow cart
Every minute I wait eats a hole in my heart
Poppa talks to the nurse but I can't hear whats said 
I just keep thinking of momma in that sterile bed
Please give me a sign to Jesus I ask
Poppa comes back wearing a poker mask
I find his eyes in the dimly lit hall
If guilt turned into sorrow I would surely fall
Poppa I speak, is there any news
He stops breathing for a second and I'm utterly confused
My heart flip flops inside my hollow chest
He tries to speak then reconsiders for the best
A solo tear slides down my cheek
He pulls me into his lap to speak
Sara Ann we just have to wait
You have your mommas heart and that's fate
We will know when the lord gives us the sign
But until then little girl your giggles are mine
Dad always knows how to find the giggles
I squirm about trying to escape the wiggles
And as my butt hits the ground escaping dads hand
A piercing cry fills the night and now I understand
I looked at dad with curious eyes
And he said I believe thats your brother that cries
I said dad can we go to her soon
He softly said, once the doctors leave the room
And in that moment i understood dads love
It flies on the back of the highest dove
This marks a new chapter of our story
But tonight I owe momma all the glory

A.D. Small
December 18, 2021