memories

memories

that come overwhelming my mind

just to remind me of your best version

of everything that was

and will never be again

memories of that time that you looked at me and I was going insane silently begging you to kiss me

of that time studying together until 23 pm

but not really studying, just listening to you telling me how your dad left you at such a young age

and your brother went to follow his own path

of that time that I read my entire summary to you the night before the exam because I actually wanted you to do well

but you were not actually listening 

of that time that we were laying down together and you asked me if I used something on my lips

just to have an excuse to talk about how attractive they looked to you

of that time that you finally grabbed me towards you 

and got surprised to feel how much I wanted you

of that time that you watched me having a crisis on new years eve through facetime and met my baby sister

of that time that I made you dinner and you told me how the Portuguese people also colonized your country

of that time that we were having dinner with our friends trying our best not to show that we were already there

connected 

counting the hours till its close to curfew time and we ‘’unfortunately’’ had to go home

of that time that you sent me a random message saying that you needed and missed my entire existence

of that time that we danced together to our favourite songs

of that time that you looked at me with the silliest smile on your face saying I had so much potential in sports even though I never lifted a single weight in my entire life

of that time that you were trying to play my piano with your hair longer than usual

because life was just like that, light, unbothering, with the snow falling outside 

of that time that you looked for my chest in the middle of a party

because you simply had to fall asleep with me on the couch while everyone was still enjoying the night

of that time on valentine’s day that we planned a whole McDonald’s dinner with your roommate but we couldn’t even wait to get lost on each other before that

of that time that I was having an anxiety attack and I could barely breathe and you hugged me and said ‘’I’m here’’ as many times as you had to 

and of that time that we melted in our energy one last time 

feeling the swear in each other’s skin

and lastly, of that time that you gave me that last kiss on the forehead 

while I was sobbing and crying myself to sleep

crying, because after all these times, the memory that stayed is the one of you letting me go