To Suffocate

To suffocate

If i could turn back the time when clocks stopped
I feel like I'd be able to put the pieces back together like i was on top
To let you go and move on makes it hard to inhale
Like using all your might to grab a hold of something that's gone stale
I will remember you're presence it was strong here
You had a way of making things move with only one gear
Like glue on ivory you held things together
You'd be able to light a candle with a wet match you were very clever
Time moves slow now like a ant down a hill
Echoes of laughter now stand still
The beings that use to exist now feel small
The sorrows that ponder carry me down the hall
I wanted to tell you to be strong but i was scared
I wanted to scream at you top fight but i just stared
The words bottled within but they did not fall out if my lips
But they just lied dying like cold fingertips
I was sad and weak and broken
The words died inside of me uttered but not spoken
I always beat myself up over the bruises in life
Just a sad little girl staring at a kitchen knife
I want to be like the person you was a long time ago
Before life took over and became a shit show
But still i push forward and only the lord knows why
And still i sit with the thoughts that eat me alive
Because one day i know I'll surpass the hate that breaks me
Then maybe dear jesus i'll be free

A.D. Small
November 18, 2018