Dandelions

She drinks herbal tea.

Goes foraging in the woods at the weekend.

Wears weird clothes.

Tells me if I pass her 27 point plan, I can go to bed with her.

Something told me I was never passing that plan.

She suggested I go with her on Sunday morning.

Told her I went for a long run on Sunday’s which ended in the local café where Mandy had my full English waiting.

She said Mandy was killing me with animal fat.

I know, but what a way to go.

You should be eating dandelions, she said, that would take you down to 26 in my plan.

I’ll probably marry this mad girl just to find out what’s in this plan.

She noticed I had cut my leg coming back from a run.

She had the perfect remedy for cuts, it consisted of applying a weird gunge.

Is this me down to 25 now in your plan, nurse.

Did you eat your dandelions?

No sane person eats dandelions.

That put me back up to 27.

She told me sometimes she goes naked in the woods.

When you say sometimes, what do you mean.

Maybe this Sunday morning.

Can you not make it Saturday, you know Sunday is a tradition, Mandy would be devastated?

Will Mandy be naked.

No, but she serves my recovery breakfast.

So, breakfast is better than seeing me naked then.

No, but it’s tradition, you can’t mess with tradition.

Well then, it looks like my 27 point plan stays in place then.

What if I eat a dandelion just now while you get naked.

It doesn’t work that way.

What if I meet you around ten on Sunday, and then I can go for a proper breakfast.

That would be playing fast and loose with me and Mandy.

What if, what if, say I.

You’re overthinking, I’ll be naked on Sunday, 11 o’clock.

Sunday run, beautiful breakfast waiting.

Mad girl naked in the woods.

You can’t mess with tradition.

Mad girl naked in the woods.

Mandy, preparing breakfast.

My God, you can’t mess with tradition.

Why are you running into the woods.

You have broke with tradition.

Okay, why is mad girl not naked.

Why are you not naked and who are those weird people carrying baskets.

They’re my foraging friends, this is what we call naked foraging.

You said you would be naked at eleven o’clock.

I am naked, what part of naked foraging do you not get.

The part where you’ve got clothes on.

So you just assumed I would be naked and willing.

Yes, I have just broke with tradition, the least you could do is get naked.

Okay, then I’ll get naked.

You can’t get naked with all those people around.

Make up your mind, do you want me naked or not.

Yes, why don’t you come back to my flat.

I’ve got a better idea.

Does this idea consist of me eating anything.

Strangely enough, it does.

Right, give me the bloody dandelions.

I don’t think Mandy cooks dandelions.

What’s Mandy got to do with it.

She’s cooking up my free breakfast.

Why would Mandy be cooking you up a free breakfast.

I’m sure Mandy will tell you when we get there.