Letter Never Opened

Sometimes I just feel empty inside.
Yeah I know some of you feel it too.
But really most of you will never quite know what it's like.
I'll bet you think you do, we'll never know who's right.
This one just isn't for you.
I know you've got something better to do.
If you aren't sick in the head or broken
You won't really read this, like a letter never opened.

 

It's kinda like the mailbox in my chest.
Everyday is mail day.
It keeps coming all the time just stacking on my desk.
Flags up on the box but they don't pick up.
More stacks of paper I won't let em take.
I can't read em cause the key's gone and the door's froze up.
When I see the message sent the page is opaque.
The bottle is open upside-down with nothing to drink.

 

I go to take a shower in the acid rain.
I feel the pressure but something's missing. 
A nervous system gone insane.
I can smell the burnt hair, see the skin sizzling.
A body laid bare, but it all feels the same.
They catch my blank stare, I don't understand their mission.
Run for cover as I stand on the stairs, I realize what isn't there.
Do you get the metaphors? Written between lines of this missive?

 

Let's get to hypothetics.
A mother dies on the floor, the kids watch, crying behind the medics.
No metaphor, felt her heart stop, no more pain like an anesthetic.
Can't cry anymore, the ducts are blocked, I lost the empathetic.
I don't feel the way I should through the static.
My heart and mind overwhelmed until they popped.
I can't comprehend what's normal through the monsoon.
The darkest night is a regular evening under a full moon.

 

The woman of my dreams accepted my ring before I flew.
When things go too well I really don't know what to do.
I guess when I get too happy I tend to panic.
Cause those are the feelings I get when I'm manic.
Sometimes the feelings crash through the window pane.
I know what happens as the coaster clicks up the track.
I expect things to go well, they do, my emotions get untamed.
I feel things on a deeper level, then it all drops, I lose the track.

 

I make it through the drop with a few more letters on my desk.
I never read em cause the feelings are trapped inside.
If I'm able and willing to feel, I'm afraid I might die.
Often I can't help but feel empty when I should be a mess.
I can't cry when I want to, I make myself smile to seem happy.
I don't know how to deal with my powerful emotions.
You don't learn when you're empty going through the motions.
Maybe I did this to myself, maybe that's an excuse, and you?

 

That's not the only manifestation of emptiness.
Sometimes I stop, stare at nothing, and my mind goes silent.

I'll see someone or something I love, as if they're a stranger.
Any trace of motivation vanishes and skips rent.
I'm both content and discontent in the same moment.
The empty sensation makes me want to feel, with a razor.
Functioning like normal becomes a tremendous endeavor.
When you feel there's nothing inside, you want pain.
When you're in pain, you want to feel nothing.

 

A hollow man cannot be broken, but he suffers all the same.

 

I'll have to be sending this letter now, probably.
Try not to die!

 

Alexander J. Wolfe

 

Afterword- This all genuine however I my mindstate is very chaotic so the emptiness I'm talking about is something that comes and goes. I'm constantly changing.