Long Lasting Doubts

Can you imagine how it was?

How it was to be alone?

How it was when new life was born?

Betrayal and sadness quickly fading.

Only happiness was left radiating?

Nothing but an Attention- Stealing bad man.

 

The world qickly turning against this blissful sea,

The truth behind it begun to flee.

Pushing downbreaking punches on the way,

Of loud screams my ears begun to pray,

Because of nothing I have done.

 

But you were younger.

Always getting a magic wonder.

Jealousy being a close friend back than,

I've never realized I became the bad man!

I never realized you needed me that much.

Never realized what I had done.

Regretting every part I had won!

 

This pressure still a burden,

Especially one thing never stopped hurting.

Watching this young hopeful eyes,

Asking me to share good laughter,

Forgetting this dark day being even harder.

On your days every year you were excited,

Nevertheless these feelings quickly hided.

You wanted a party you never got.

Nobody came to our finished spot.

 

I should'v been there to make you smile,

To make you radiate even from a mile.

But I was.

Telling you,

I had more important things to do.

Seperated by nothing but two doors,

It wouldn't take much to change this course.

I should've known better with my few years.

I should've supported you,

And should've never turned my back on you.

 

So let me say this once...

 

I'm sorry I didn't took enough care,

Of the one and only who loves me the most,

Who I care about the most,

Who I would take a bullet for,

And protect from evil even more.

Please know I care.

 

I'm sorry you were alone while needing me the most.

I'm sorry I wasn't there to make you smile,

On the most improtant day in July.

You were only a few years.

Wouldn't understand much of the world.

Not even remembering all these troubles with our father,

Until the memories were carried back to his son and daughter.

All these years were all the worst.

Couldn't understand even one word.

 

But from the moment you were born,

All this rage from before was gone.

I'm sorry I shut you out.

I'm sorry your only friend didn't hep you out.

 

Growing together,

Having good times.

Playing all these stupid games,

Calling ourselves stupid names.

Throwing the remote from side to side,

These happy times I won't forget!

 

You are a friend,

No one in this world ever had.

Making me smile when I'm sad,

Protecting me from all bad.

Wiping my tears ,

Sometimes filled with fears.

All these things I gave you back and even more.

But still,

It's not enough because you're sore.

 

Wanting to make every day of yours to a special growing core.

Being alone I had to take care,

A job that wasn't rare.

Giving you advice for life,

Seeing you grow as happy as a child.

 

I should've done more

I should still do more.

It's never enough,

I want to make you laugh.

 

You're a good soul.

Deserving more than a big shining bright hole.

Fighting this fight with myself from night to night.

Should I do more?

Is it enough?

Never loosing this big doubts.

Afraid of failing you,

Afraid of seeing you fall,

Afraid of seeing you small.

But nothing can ever be enough,

For someone deserving the world without seeing the rough.

I'd even give all my life.

 

You are so special.

You are so kind.

A gentle heart kept by a hard covering stone.

So never let them take down,

This large majestic crown!

No one gets to throw it down,

Cause before I make them drown.

I'll be there with all my heart,

So you'll never experience bad emotions this hard.

Even though you always get to decide.