The Antics Of A Yoyo Thief

Now scores of years

after botched minor theft penchant

courtesy security guard

analogous to inquisitorial trenchant

unforgettable verbal lashing

(suppressing me ululation to vent)

unwittingly arresting snitch behavior

plus potential life of crime.


Not a peep passed thru

pursed lip o' mine -
aye vaguely attest
what age ten? eleven? twelve?
of following anecdote at best
educated guess, but no
doubt yours truly
with figurative heart in chest
scared sh__less puny meek boy
tight lipped silently confessed

to foiled attempt, sans trying
unsuccessfully to steal a yoyo,
during Saturday's short break
between gymnastic class
inviting tummy prepubescent
diminutive self unbuttoning

outer garment to stash loot,

revealing substantially sprawling

holy skype size bare breast,

after officer verbally rifled me


said mean security detail

demanding I undress
impossible mission to escape

upon being nabbed,

held me arms tight,

cuz yours truly
ain't no Artful Dodger
thus aye didst detest
foolish kid ploy, and
(prematurely nipping

in the bud) messed
up potential life of crime
with first and only
shoplifting heist jest
for getting caught no a pest
key yoyo, mama would
(IF ever mama or papa FOUND OUT)
they would axe me no quest
chin, but whack me itty bitty
teensy weensy derriere lest

quickly putting to rest
any Robin Hood
fantasy life of riding crest

to get rich quick scheme
high stakes crime pressed,
and squeezed out the noggin
with apropos punishment addressed
thankfully, neither parent
got wind, nor ever guessed
their beautiful darling

little boy did flunk

electric kool aid acid test
petty theft, never
matured nor ever again did zest

proliferate to snatch unpaid for goods
into a profitable "yoyo
string Ponzi like
scheme," thus ballsiest
dare devilish and bitterest,
and laughably noblest

act yours truly ever attempted
immediately ceased to shelve bravest
sleight of hand find
delve during broadest
daylight, I immediately
didst abandon, when clumsiest

initial foray into
the world wide web
tubby come cleverest
lad, this side of

Lansdale, Pennsylvania
many damnedest
yesterdays ago, never
took another earnest
tempting gamble since security
detail nearly wrest
head possible zapped feeblest Ames?
to pilfer from other
Department stores if pressed
for money no matter,
I might miss an enforced
hated ballet class,
with abs salute zest

worse fate than juvenile detention!


  • sophin

    fantastic prose here. i love the tone that just jumps out here.

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