Our Names in the Sand

As I walked away from our names written in the sand, a sense of relief came over me. I had ripped up our photos and thrown them into the water where it all began. It was the most cathartic experience that I have ever had. Saying goodbye to you, saying goodbye to us, and saying goodbye to what could have been. Tears streaming down my face, I tore myself away from that spot. And as I kept walking I realized that the tears falling were not for you. They were for the innocence lost and the memories shared. As I kept walking forward, back to my car, the tears became tears of happiness at the life awaiting me. My soul was finally at peace, the minor heartache I felt was nothing compared to the peace in my soul. I felt like a phoenix rising from the ashes and all I could think about was how free I felt. As free as a bird soaring through the skies. Never had I experienced such freedom and relief, life was simply beauty ahead of me. All I could envision were the happy experiences awaiting me and all the life that was to be lived. You are not a regret to me, you were exactly what I needed for that part of my life. But I outgrew you, and you stayed in one place. My soul was drained from loving you and living only for you. I tried to fit myself into the box that you had created for me. The box molded into your ideal wife and I simply couldn’t fit anymore. There was too much for me to experience and too much life for me to live. I could no longer simply be ok with my hidden role as your wife. I have no tears left to cry for you, you broke my heart and you broke our marriage. But somehow I found a way to forgive you. I could have continued the next 50 years by your side as a doting wife and mother to any children we may have had. But I know that in the end, it would have killed my soul. The older I get, the more I realize that a broken heart can be put together again but an empty soul is very difficult to fill.