why do i deserve this?

Hello Mirror, i have some things to say.

Why are you as mean as all the other people surrounding me?

Your voice is louder than theirs and you hurt me more than they could.

Why do you have to pinpoint the fatty layers of my body my family tries to get me to forget?

Why do you have to point out all my inescurites?

You make it harder for me to talk to anybody you know.

IM worried by a whisper, by a message, by a voice, im worried all the time.

You know i worry because you help those voices becom nonfiction.

No matter what i do, i can’t shake the voices, and im drawn back to you.

I stare at you, evil mirror.

I point out the hideous features, and then i starve myself again.

I point out what i don’t have that they don’t, i stay up all night.

Sometimes i sleep, but even my dreams feed me the delights of starvation and death.

To free myself from what im surrounded by.

I hate myself, though nobody around me sees it.

And i try to stay strong, because im just a small speck in the world, nothing worth importance.

This past year i’ve finally broken. 

I’ve never cried from all i’ve held inside, but im broken now.

I used to hide the nightmares, the looks, the voices in my head, but i’ve bene broken.

I worry if i should ask for help, cause the Lord knows i don’t deserve it.

I remember the sea ocean blue eyes, that quickly became a stormy gray.

The eyes of my grandma, the day her dog died.

I remember her pain the day both my aunts got in a wreck, she didn’t come home for months. 

She stayed with my aunt in the hospital, and slowly gave up her medicine for diabetes.

She was home for just 5 days, before we woke up to her gone and dead. Heart attack.

And now im haunted.

 Since then everyone keeps dying, they never seem to stop too.

Just a last week i lost two close friends to this family. Why?

When will the Lord stop, and end this world?

I believe in the lord, been saved twice, but sometimes i can’t take it. 

I remember the days spent praying for him to help my parent’s, did he just ignore me.

My dad’s out of jail, after two years, and my mom is doing who knows what with anyone.

Why Do I Deserve This?