Sweet dreams

When people say goodnight
Sweet dreams.
I wish my dreams were that and more.
The ones when I was a little child swifting into a good night rest
I feel paralyzed as I close my eyes.
At times sleeping is not an option.
But I don’t know what hurts more.
Sleeping or staying awake.
One minute I’m in bed.
Then next I’m driving myself into an open Clift into deep waters.
Asking myself how I drove myself insane into a deep water of sorrow and sadness.
Losing all control of the wheel
Into the unknown.
As I try to escape my seat belt.
The one that’s supposed to protect me.
It does nothing but choke me into an uncomfortable lock situation.
I’m stuck.
Tears running down my face.
Screaming for help.
Knowing I won’t get it.
The car hits the water.
I feel the cold water on my tippy toes.
How the fuck do I get out of here.
By the time I realize,
The waters are waisted deep.
I managed to unlock the seatbelt.
I start punching the windows.
I NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT.
GET OUT.
Every punch hurts internally.
I see the blood running through my hands.
But the pain inside hurts more then the open cuts and soon to be scars.
Nothing is working.
This is how it ends.
There’s no way out.
I give up.
I’m isolated with the deepest, coldest water you can imagine.
I’m at peace.
The water is up to my chin.
A sweet “ I’m sorry” comes out.
Those will be my last words.
I taste the salt water.
My last drink ever.
I start to choke.
There’s no more breath’s anymore.
I see a beautiful white light.
It is the sun.
I’m awake.