What Hurts The Most


The truth of it is, I’m not over you yet.

I’d like to pretend I am.

I’d like to pretend that I don’t look for your car at every stoplight, 

that I don’t hope you’d come knocking at my door to apologize and fix everything, 

that I didn’t place you on such a high pedestal.

I’ve been trying to fake it until I’ve made it, but I can’t anymore.

“I’m still hanging on, I was at the end of every tether waiting for what once was.”

A song that’s been on repeat for 11 months.

The song you played for me on our first date, the saddest Her’s song I’ll admit. 

I was a naive and young girl so madly in love.

But 11 months later, here I am. 

Broken from a 9 month relationship that ended two months ago. 

I wish I could say I hated you, 

that everything you said and did was awful and that I don’t love you and I don’t care about you. 

You manipulated my kindness and made me feel weak and blindsighted. 

It’s hard because I am slowly sinking back into madness two months later after I was slowly healing and after our last interaction this week,

and you seem fine. 

Everyone keeps telling me you’ll feel sad once I’m feeling better, 

that you’ll realize what you’ve been missing, 

but that bridge burned down weeks ago. 

But I forgive you. 

I forgive you for hurting me, 

I forgive you for moving on so quickly, 

I forgive you over and over again. 

I forgive you for a lot of things, 

but I will never forgive you for how you changed and treated me the second you discarded me after everything. 

That I can never forgive you for. 

I hate the way you make me feel. 

I can’t hate you, 

I was probably the happiest I’ve been while I was with you, 

but I hate the things you’ve done, 

and I hate that I will probably never get the apology I deserve. 

But I don’t hate you, 

and I don’t think I could ever find it in my heart to hate you, 

and that’s what hurts the most. 

  • Author: Anonymouslyhere (Offline Offline)
  • Published: March 16th, 2022 16:11
  • Comment from author about the poem: Recently went through heartbreak and wrote down how I was feeling. It's hard to love someone still no matter how manipulative you know they are. I'm not sure if it technically is a poem, but here it is.
  • Category: Sad
  • Views: 16


  • Violet bluebell( used to be yellow rose)

    Yes … difficult when they may treat you like rubbish sometimes . It’s good to express yourself . We can care about someone but doesn’t mean we should have to put up with rubbish behaviours from them !

    • Anonymouslyhere

      Exactly, it just is taking time to realize it. But thank you!

    • Buzz Bray

      "I don’t think I could ever find it in my heart to hate you, and that’s what hurts the most. "
      I wish you healing and comfort. Your words are very moving. Love is such a risk. We throw our whole selves into love. The joy of it is when that risk is rewarded. The sorrow, when it is not. Still, we try. Prayers and hopes for healing.

      • Anonymouslyhere

        Thank you so much! I appreciate your kind words.

      • L. B. Mek

        expressive, a well considered outpouring
        thanks for sharing

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