Weird Family

Weird Family.

The family congregated at our Granddad’s flat
Not last Saturday just gone, but the Saturday before that.
Took out all his furniture and sent it to house clearance.
Worked together happily, in collective perseverance.

Sent his clothes to charity shops for someone else to wear.
Divided up his ornaments among those gathered there.
They remembered Grandad’s humor and how he liked a lark
He did n’t see the funny side when he came home from the park.

You see, all the family like to laugh, they like a funny quirk.
They ‘re all enthusiastic until it comes to work.
Some don’t work from leaving school and most of them never will.
Some say that they’re just not fit and some pretend they’re ill.
They say they ‘re having too much fun, whilst practically joking
Claiming dole and drinking beer, wastin time and smoking.

They all went on a protest march to vent out their frustration
To complain about their lack of cash, cigarettes and recreation.
The government wants to get them jobs and the pubs are shutting down.
It’s hard for lazy “So and So’s”to function in this town.

Our Dad went for an interview to talk about careers.
The meeting came as quite a shock, Dad had n’t worked for years
They asked our Dad what skills he had to assist his application?
Dad said he remembered selling flags at the Queen’s Coronation.

Uncle Tom went to A and E with a growth on his bald head.
Instead of a great lump, there was a frog instead.
The surgeon asked our uncle Tom, How did this come to pass?
The frog replied “It started with a boil upon mi arse.”

Our Uncle George, a clever man, was ridiculed by folk.
For predicting what would happen to that old Titanic boat.
He shouted out to those who’d listen, that the ship would be a wreck
He was asked to leave the Cinema by an Usherette.

Our Auntie Maud made tasty pies with anything she foraged
Like bits of tyre inner tube from her husband’s………. “ Garage!. “
The crusts were rather tough, inside she’d put some veggies.
Then she’d use a welding torch to seal around the edges.

We ‘re quite a weird family, some would call us mad.
There’s Me, mi Mum our Uncle Bert, Mi sister and Mi Dad,
There’s Uncle George and Auntie Sue and mad old Uncle JIm.
Our cousin Fred and his Sister “Bernard”, we don’t see much of him!

When our dear old Grandma died the family were bereft.
But Granny had it coming, she drank herself to death
She chose to be cremated before she was interned.
For weeks above the chapel a blue flame gently burned
They said it was the alcohol, within our Gran’s remains
That lit up half the village with blue and purple flames.

We’re a family of weirdo’s every one of us.
We don’t belong with normal folk, we are on the other bus.
We’re simple folk who like a joke and are a bunch of quirks.
We lark about and drink and shout and never go to work