I made a beeline bustle

rew4er2nail

Hurriedly enroute to her royal majesty

porcelain goddess throne
whereupon earlier today

March 28th, 2022,
after incomplete defecation
sitting pretty on pissoir,

I jiggled and wiggled posterior

 

(analogous to performing
the bum bared hustle)
until gasping for breath
though unable to shake loose
dangling dingleberry yours truly

nevertheless synchronously praise zing

a mostly functioning sphincter muscle.

 

Gross and smelly

as human excrement considered

expelling fecal matter comprises

important function, whereby any unspent

ingested material shunted

thru alimentary canal

then spewed courtesy sphincter vent.

 

Anal lies zing constipation

and/or stubborn stuck drek
nothing to poo poo about,

cuz when bedeviled by
colorectal obstruction,
no matter emetics

applied with bonafide clout
without wasted doubt,

that malodorous, maleficent
malevolent malady
body electric doth flout
analogous to uranus

clogged with grout,
whereat no heroic
efforts break loose,
the severely obstructed bowel,
thus spurring determined,
desperate derriere plea
for proctologist sought
to relieve constipation


equipped with a special
"J" shaped, hooked,
and designed dowel

in an effort
to pry stoppage

if/when yours truly constipated
jamming up human cloaca,
where rock solid stubborn
immovable turd emits foul

 

gaseous emanations accompanied
with a$$ a nine growl

followed by red hot,
fiery excruciating spasms
shooting jagged pain
inducing yours truly to access,
the werewolf within howl,

where a preference for sciatica,

in place, but my ill luck

regarding aforementioned plight

merely naming said nerve pain
accursed affliction arises


analogous to parasite malefactor thieve
ving would be

equally unpleasant and offer

absolutely zero reprieve
along heinie kin cheeky jowl,
thence finding me
resorting to peeve

hush scream therapy,
which wrought nothing,
no pain did re: leave

me bummed out bum,

but veins snapping,


popping, and crackling,

utmost effort I forcefully heave
oye how aye did grieve

plus a bajillion
gallons of perspiration,
while lower gastrointestinal
agonizing torture didst cleave

entire abdominal
area please believe
without aforementioned crisis,
and feeble poem,
I could not achieve.

  • Author: rew4er2nail (Offline Offline)
  • Published: March 28th, 2022 15:31
  • Category: Humor
  • Views: 26
  • Users favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek
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Comments +

Comments5

  • Bella Shepard

    Your description is beyond words! Who knew that such an anal experience could yield such a poetic gem. Congratulations, hope everything came out OK.

  • Crowns4Christ

    I know that struggle well,a bit odd,butt,pun intended,it really hit home, thanks for the interesting read,

  • dean langmuir

    the shite of the golden years,good one.

  • Doggerel Dave

    (In case you missed it when I put it up before):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQ1GMBr6uPk&t=4s

  • L. B. Mek

    'Hurriedly enroute to her royal majesty
    porcelain goddess throne'
    🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣



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