Blackout

I was stuck in a hazy dreamland where I felt true happiness ever since I picked up my first bottle,

You see, I desperately needed it because I felt like an outsider around other people.

Reminiscing about nostalgic memories of drinking recklessly around Canary Wharf,

But you see, that's where it all took off.

I couldn't get enough, so I needed more

Honestly, that was all I fucking cared for.

Drink, blackout, repeat

Drink, blackout, repeat.

Drink, blackout, repeat.

Waking up every dull morning with the intention of buying another bottle,

Just so I can feel invincible.

Approaching an awareness that this poison is turning me into a lifeless monster,

 So, I bury the distasteful feelings of last night’s crazed drinking bender,

Regret, guilt, confusion.

Regret, guilt, confusion.

Regret, guilt, confusion.

I was robbed of my heartfelt passions in life, as I’ve been heartlessly stabbed in the back with a knife.

Here I was, convinced it was my true friend, although I figured it was all pretend.

Inevitably, the fun died out as it caused all sorts of issues,

My boyfriend gave me an ultimatum to stop my alcohol abuse.

I was not only sabotaging myself, but everyone else surrounding me,

Carrying all that unbearable weight on my delicate shoulders, yet I was not ready.

For a while, I chose alcohol, until I understood that it was not worth it at all.

How could I ruin our future?

How could I lose my soulmate?

How could I be so selfish?

Simply, because that is the purpose of addiction.

You see, it successfully deceives you by creating this dreamlike illusion.

At last, I chose love.