names

I’ve always had a thing for names

specific names

Ben, Andrew, Joey, Jake, Anthony maybe

I wonder if you have any of these names

I wonder how I will feel when I hear it

when I say it

i know I’ll try to match your name with mine

I know I’ll say it differently

Not for you

Not for others

For me

For my heart

For it to start getting used to the fact that someone might be coming in.

 

my heart can’t be stolen

I’m sorry for that

I’m too rational

I’ve been through enough to not be it

so I’ll trick my heart to get used by it

I know I’ll get you a nickname that I’ll help me with that

it will be your mark

not for you

not for others

For myself

Only for my heart to get used with the idea that maybe there’s a few drops of rain getting in before the storm starts

even if you don’t know its something only yours

time won’t take that away from you

even your mistakes won’t

even if everyone starts using it

i know it’ll still be my nickname for you

my heart will know

that might not be enough for you

but it is for me.

 

I’ll know how different your name will sound when I say it and maybe…

actually I’m kinda sure

I’ll make you get used to your nickname

so when I call you by your name I can analyze the way to respond to it

if you blush to it

If you find it awkward

If you think I’m mad at you

I’ll know how much I need to hold your nickname on my heart through your reaction

until than i just know I’ll love your name.

 

I’ll think about how I’m gonna call you

how I’ll sound

and how I’m gonna say it in a text

cause that’s a whole new try.

By then I’ll want you to deserve more

I’ll want you to be safe

I’ll want you to be worth it of my

and maybe my heart will want to be friends with yours

If that happens

If you do not only keep your mark

Maybe I’ll know how it will be calling you babe for the first time

I’ll scream it to you somehow

Not in front of people

Not for me

Not for my heart

But for you

It I’ll be my way of saying “welcome”

nobody’s got here so far.

 

I’ll say in a casual way

Like it’s the most normal thing in the world for me to call you

I’ll get confused maybe

I hope you do

And I’ll keep on acting like there’s nothing new

and if you ask something about it

first of all I’ll be glad

then I’ll still act like there’s nothing new

But it is

nobody’s got here so far

The first time I’ll say that to a pearson that managed to broke a few walls to get there

It’s another first will get

By then I’ll want you to have all of my firsts maybe

but I have to say maybe

I might not be so rational as I wanted by now

You earned it

You deserved it.

 

After saying it

You’ll have to keep on proving me that you are deserving and not that you just deserved once

By that I’ll be so freackin afraid

I don’t want to get used to your name and I think I won’t

The truth is that I don’t want to get used to not saying your name if something happens

by that point I’m praying that you keep on being deserving

by that point I want to love you a lot

and if start to not being serving

I’ll have to deal with the consequences

Not for you

Not for others

But for me and my heart

mostly my heart

I love it too much to not take care of it

and I don’t wanna have to protect it from you.

I’ll miss saying your name so much if you break my heart

my next moves would be building up the walls you destroyed

there’s no coming back from that

Not for you

Not for me

Not for us - by then I’ll call us that.

 

I’ll still say your nickname out loud when I miss you

to know if it changed or if it sounds the same

if you keep on being deserving I’ll start thinking I can tell you more names

the name of our kids

saying “our” would terrify me

usually I say my kids

so…

I have a list

If I let you see that list I’m expecting you to marry me

If I just say a few of them you have a long way ahead of you

but if you are in that way…

nobody’s got here so far

Elena

Sarah

Abigail

Grace

Faith

Hope

Celeste

Thalia

Hazael

Israel

Samuel

Isaac

Davi

 

If I love you

if I do

you’ll let you choose

or if I love you

but I’m terrified

I’ll hear you answer

it doesn’t matter how these two you are at

I’ve never though my heart was able to survive until this point

I plan a lot

You can tell by now

This part all of the ones before knew

But

One thing I can’t plan is how your love is gonna be

love can heal

love can break

right now I don’t want to find out

Love always reminds me of water

Water can bringing with peace or intensity

i hope you come at ease

if you come with intensity make your you bring peace a long

if you don’t

you won’t even read this

maybe if you do all these things right

I’ll only show you this if you push yourself to go where only one pearson will

by then

your name will be mine

and my heart will be yours