Hair washing heralded huge happening

Earlier today April 4^th, 2022,

which supersedes bald faced headlines

pointing finger and
Putin blame for Bucha killings

squarely on head & shoulders

of Russian autocrat, née

yours truly lathered

his hirsute higglety-pigglety

thinning oily tresses.

Hark….the herald angels sing,
snapchat and twitter Uber view doo

for mass communication mediums

stop the well conditioned presses
when I, a regular schlemiel

took shampoo to mine matted mass mop
(lame and feeble dreadful locks)
of straggly follicles, and commenced

to dispense with the heady ecosystem

viz rare crop of flora and fauna
(some rank as endangered species)

rub and band together

to scratch envy of flaky key

neigh bring ponytails
and create quite an niche,

and where also can be found
lousy knit wit vendors ready to scalp

and give shaft to razor sharp purveyors,

who mane lee scout out

available head room to nap
without a stir, tub bed down
(praying Holy Scott no wash out

nor Harris mint occurs),

or burrow vis a vis,

where subcutaneous porous droplet size
water ship down pieces of

prime residence found

counting one mister

comb lee bald faced realtor
amidst competing rival

bulb buss (h)Edward scissorhands

(with knot to heavy a price toupee)
affianced to rapunzel,

whom he sheared split ends
as her barber of civil,

one dapper dan duh ruff dude to offer

lice cent shuss insects a tonsured cut

above other stylish habitués

(preferring to fraternize,

glad-hand, and hobnob
amidst a cluster of big wigs

housed by yours truly - Samson
in gleaming puffy pompadour

pads tightly secured
with the best dreadlocks,

which harum-scarum

green barrettes serve

as first line of rinse able defense
IdentityGuard (with franchisee
Bob O Link averse

to split hairs, but fierce
as a Mohawk and ring leader

to protect any curl of mine)
waving away intruders,

who if insist tubby persistent
and tangle with fate

cannot expect camaraderie
from buzz cutting crew i.e. the fuzz
to give expletive filled lathering,
severe shame poo wing subjugation
plus an up braiding experience),

and teach stragglers
they will suffer a real perm

in hint bang up job

and experience embarrassing cut up
if they brazenly brush

against brylcreem of the crop
rooted as rightful heirs (hairs)

of tousled doo mane

and thus tail all told.