scrolling

aimlessly and infinitely scrolling
watching stranger after stranger
trying to find something that will make me giggle
something to distract me
because reality alone is too harsh to deal with
cruelty is picking out from every corner
witnessing endless acts of hate
seeing people suffer and despise their own existence
knowing I will never be able to do enough about it
and so I am sitting as a silent observer
in my privileged throne
trying to make sense of it all
with tears running down my face
and with a heartbeat so fast that I can not sleep
aimlessly and infinitely scrolling
until I become numb inside
and I feel my soul rot
and I am disgusted by own self
by my incapability to do something
aimlessly and infinitely scrolling
because every time I look up
my chest contracts and my breathing gets heavy
and I want to crunch up smaller and smaller
until no one can see me
until no one can see how pathetic I have become
and I can go on letting life pass through me
uncontrollably falling through time
without having anything to grab on
and being so pitifully unable
to change the things I hate the most in this world
to change the things I hate the most in myself
so I keep on aimlessly and infinitely scrolling
because that is the only thing I can do without making a mess
because I am simply too weak to stand up
in this cold and miserable world by myself