Evergreen (I)

sun 

You never got to know me like I got to know the blazing sun. We lived like strangers, watering the plants of fortitude. Our hearts ever warm. The waves rushed to meet us, in violet and orange, and climbed like rising gold to hold us in place on this endless carousel. By design we react, lukewarm or sorrowful. The silence afterwards is louder than crushing bones. I feel it deep in my being. Soft and hurting. Without you, I am bent over with fear. Pulling the thistle from its hinges. Often, I tell myself, this life is just another zephyr. Reality is more complicated than pulling the stars through an intractable loop of ribbon, the truth finding its way back to you like the song of a nightingale. The beauty you erased meant more to me than the meadow or the budding trees. How careless we were, sprouting in the heat, a tapestry of flickering beams. Young and in love. Those drunken nights passed by reminiscent of dark spring lullabies and fragrant Jupiter skies. Sometimes, when I am weak, I think of them and remember you in heavenly light. Laughter flowing through the room, through my blue veins. I can't possibly envision the world without you. I've never known how to live without you. If only I had the time to tell you all the things on my mind, and if only you would understand me. The comedown is the answer, a wanted friend. My cigarette bubbles in the ashtray and the pink drink fizzles. Bodies floweth. This pilgrimage of love and despair speaks to the alchemist in me, a clouded universe of labyrinth dreams, forest dreams. I have wished over and over for a remedy but nothing can fix the wound you left, the broken seashells you left by the window. Hopeless in this fountain of random line breaks and pretty sludge aesthetics. I hear your voice on the cassette, beautiful and soaring. I sit with the book in my hand, nervously flicking through the pages, anxiously waiting. Bleeding into our conversations. I am cosmic. Tired and longing. This morning I went for a walk in the park. The sun was floating through the idle trees, slow dancing and forever dreaming. I felt the wonder pulse, a pool of thoughts rippling like the birds in their solemn uniforms. Moving like mute statues, lost and swaying to the music of my rebellious soul. Pouncing tiger. I seen your glittering eyes waiting in the tall grass, peering and ravenous. Fragile earthenware. Love is a syllable humming with so much meaning and so much ahead on this long road. I lurch and grasp buttercups, strange ways of entertaining myself. Playing card games, but no one ever truly wins. Love leaves us like a ghost.