Constantly searching

I've been searching for myself in familiar places,

I've found nothing but bits of traces

That keep reminding me of my past,

I've been hurting for a while

and I've been searching a mile

surrounded by these happy faces 

that have me faking my smile

I'm trying to make it through tomorrow

But tomorrow always looks blurry

I've been hiding behind these notes,

because I am scared I don't always know what to say

I smile a lot because it's easier to hide when I'm teary 

Perhaps if I enforce pain I'll channel it into a perfect antidote

maybe if I take these pills I'll forget my troubles

and perhaps if I hold a little less tighter,

it'll be easier to forget these struggles

I'm a writer, not a fighter

So if my words can't ease my suffering

maybe my existence is pointless.