stranger. | TW: mention of self harm, body image, and eating disorder.

It all started because I decided to,
take my anger out on myself. 
why?
well, because why would I take it out on anyone else?
they don’t deserve to feel it.

I will take steaming hot showers even though it stings so bad,
just so I can work towards feeling better about myself but it doesn’t work.
I do so many things and they don’t help yet I continue to do it.

I don’t like my body,
I do stuff to it so I can like it more but it doesn’t work.
I can’t ever satisfy myself.
and I don’t think I’ll ever truly be satisfied. 

sometimes I feel like I’m trapped in someone else’s body
like whoever created me just didn’t get the right idea,
didn't think it through all the way. 
I just don’t look right.
I look at myself and I see someone completely different,
a stranger, in the mirror. 

I don’t ever feel like me and I don’t know if I ever will.
so I’ll cut,
I’ll take hot showers,
I’ll drink that soda on an empty stomach,
I’ll chew that gum to make the hunger go away
chew that gum to make the nausea leave,
I’ll starve myself or I’ll eat too much,
I’ll continue to do the things I do because I can’t stop.

I started and I can't stop.  
someone get me out of here,
please, there's a stranger in the mirror.