the reality of the word death

I saw your tears 

I felt you pain 

I heard the sounds and words  that broke you  down 

But can you feel me pulling you? 

Asking you not to leave ?

Asking you to stay longer?

Asking you if you can take me with you ?

Or did you ignore me like you ignored your pain and suffering?

Mama i love you but did you love me

You said you loved me but how will i know if your not here

I will never see your face i'll never hear you voice 

All i hear is your heart beat

I cant laugh with you anymore 

I can't make you happy anymore

I can't be your baby anymore

I cant feel your hugs anymore

I can get a goodnight kiss anymore 

I can't hear your voices when i'm sad

I can't count on you to be there

You promised you said you would never leave 

You said i would see you again 

You said you would get me back 

You said you would try your best

I know you did but i also know that it was hard

Daddy didn't want to put in the hard work to help you get us back 

You did this all alone

I would've tried to help you but i was incapable of doing so 

I was just a child 

I was just starting to live but how can i live without you by my side cheering me on to keep going

Why did you have to leave so early ?

Why couldn't you take me with you ?

It's hard to smile because your not here i smile because i have to 

But without you will i ever be completely happy ever again

Can i be a cheerful person like you ?

Can i try my best to live like you did?

Can i get through this war without you?

Things were tough but with you it was easier 

Things hurt but you made it better 

People tried to hurt me but you protected me 

Who will protect me now

No one will and i won't let no one protect me because its not you mama i miss you and i will always miss you it's hard to let go 

cause i've been holding on  to this same string for 6 years 

now i'm slipping every day i don't see your face  

why don't you just come back?

 Why can't I say goodbye?

 why couldn't i help you ?

why couldn't i just be a good daughter for a good mother?

Why couldnt i be there ?

Im sorry mama i so sorry

I use to see you in my dreams but you have faded away

I use to hear your voice when i went to sleep but where did that voice go

I use to think it was god fault but i realize it was mine

I wonder was it me that blocked you from getting though the war?

Was it me who damaged your heart?

What  it me who caused you pain?

Was it me that overwhelmed you?

If so im sorry 

Reality has hit 

I will never see you again but i wish i could