Smoke and Mirrors

What if I wake up one day

What if

What if I wake up one day

What if

What if I wake up one day and I’m not who I once was

What if I wake up one day and I’m not inside my own body

What if I wake up one day and speak but its not my own voice

What if I wake up and I’m looking through the eyes of another

What if I wake up one day and scream but all I could let out was a whimper

If you look in the mirror long enough your face starts to contort, your eyes become null and void no matter what expression you make. Eventually your face isn’t your face. It doesn’t belong to you and what you’re looking at in that reflection starts to become a stranger. Almost like saying the same thing over and over and over again until it starts to sound weird and made up, like that word should never belong, like that word should’ve never existed, like that word should’ve never been said.

Waking up everyday and doing the same routine, the same thing every day but slightly different. To me, this reality is just like repeating that word, or looking at that stranger in the mirror for far too long... undeserving of this world, I do not belong here nor exist in it.

I woke up today and felt like it was less than a dream and more of a nightmare

A nightmare repeated so many times that it has lost its meaning

A nightmare so null, void, and as empty as my eyes were when i looked at them in the mirror

A nightmare as empty and unimportant as the words uttered from my mouth when i repeated them over and over again

A nightmare that had me screaming at the top of my lungs and clawing at my face to wake myself up from it to no avail

A nightmare that is a nightmare indeed.

If only I could wake up one day… if i wake up one day.