my commitment

everyone has a commitment.

whether it be to a partner, a job, or their phones.

but my commitment is something only for when I’m alone.

my commitment is the red running down my thighs.

uncontrollable sobbing and my head feeling itself with lies.

i become severely attached to the feeling I get when the blade is dragged across my skin, the relief I feel when I no longer have to pretend.

i know it’s not healthy.

and I know it’s not fair to the people I love.

but i just dont care.