Karson Lidgerding

My parents don’t love me.

And I realized how messed up that sounds but it’s true.


My parents love my younger sister,

They love my cats,

And they love the rest of our family,

But they don’t love me.


They love this girl named Kathlynn,

And I cringe every time I hear that name,

Because that was my name.


My parents don’t love Karson,

They love their oldest girl Kathlynn-

The girl with straight A’s who does everything they want.


They don’t love Karson the boy who raps,

Or the boy who plays hockey.


They love her,

Everything about her…


They love the way she wears her makeup 

And they love her dresses and cute dances.

They love the way she sings

And the way she spins.


Their hearts chase her with admiration.

But me?

What about me?


The thing about her,

The girl I used to be, she was really just for them.

She was just for show, just for fun, an act really.

I wish my parents loved me,

Because watching them dream and get excited over her kills me.


Why don’t they get excited when Karson scores a goal,

Or when he wins awards?

Why don’t they get excited when Karson raps faster than Eminem?

Or when he celebrates something good?


They get excited for her,

A child who never existed.

Why are they obsessed over her and not me?

Their son, the child who loves them is right here,

Right in front of them.


And the funny thing is,

When I was born no one knew if I was going to be a boy or girl.

My family all guessed I was going to be a boy based on my mom's pregnancy.

And my dad really wanted a son

But when I came out he saw that I wasn’t a boy.

My dad made a joke to the doctor saying to put me back in because I wasn’t done cooking.


He was right, I am a boy.

So what if they can’t see it?


They ignore their son for the oldest daughter,

The daughter they love unconditionally,

The girl who never even existed.

  • Author: Manic Pixie (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: June 3rd, 2022 14:43
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 14


  • a thousand wishes

    I am so sorry you are going through this and that they cant accept who you are, but just know that just because they can't accept you, it doesn't make you ANY less amazing, or any less of their son, any less of a boy or man, you are you, you aren't just who others are willing to accept. You are what you feel like, and even if they don't care or don't get it, I do. and I think you´re amazing. The you that raps and plays hockey, that guy is pretty cool 😊

  • Bragee

    That’s tough and I’m sorry that you love that way. If only love was truly unconditional from the people you need most.

  • Morwenna

    This is powerfully expressed. You are grieving for lost love. So hard.

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