Parents

My parents don’t love me.

And I realized how messed up that sounds but it’s true.

My parents love my younger sister,

They love my cats,

And they love the rest of our family,

But they don’t love me.

They love this girl named Kathlynn,

And I cringe every time I hear that name,

Because that was my name.

My parents don’t love Karson,

They love their oldest girl Kathlynn-

The girl with straight A’s who does everything they want.

They don’t love Karson the boy who raps,

Or the boy who plays hockey.

They love her,

Everything about her…

They love the way she wears her makeup 

And they love her dresses and cute dances.

They love the way she sings

And the way she spins.

Their hearts chase her with admiration.

But me?

What about me?

The thing about her,

The girl I used to be, she was really just for them.

She was just for show, just for fun, an act really.

I wish my parents loved me,

Because watching them dream and get excited over her kills me.

Why don’t they get excited when Karson scores a goal,

Or when he wins awards?

Why don’t they get excited when Karson raps faster than Eminem?

Or when he celebrates something good?

They get excited for her,

A child who never existed.

Why are they obsessed over her and not me?

Their son, the child who loves them is right here,

Right in front of them.

And the funny thing is,

When I was born no one knew if I was going to be a boy or girl.

My family all guessed I was going to be a boy based on my mom's pregnancy.

And my dad really wanted a son

But when I came out he saw that I wasn’t a boy.

My dad made a joke to the doctor saying to put me back in because I wasn’t done cooking.

He was right, I am a boy.

So what if they can’t see it?

They ignore their son for the oldest daughter,

The daughter they love unconditionally,

The girl who never even existed.