Requisite inspection June 29th, 2022 at Apartment B44

Aforementioned title and following

little known verses of Matthew

finds me feeling squeamish,

peevish, anguish, et cetera

at our (the missus and mine) digs,

cuz low income rental housing regulations

require safe and secure place to live,

hence unpleasant inspection

scheduled at least once per year

here at 2 Highland Manor Drive

between 9:00 A.M. and 4:00 P.M.,

the last Wednesday of June 2022
when worse fate than death befalls us.

 

A triumvirate of persons

also known as

(the warden, zaftig and mister snitch)

comprising Property Manager

Regional Property Manager

and newly hired Maintenance Man respectively

will rap on the door or ring sorry excuse for bell

(cue suspenseful music)

before their collective gaze turns toward:

 

the kitchenette, stealing

a peek into refrigerator, stove,

cupboards, testing our patients

assessing utility room

housing hot water heater

testing smoke detector in bedroom

scanning bathroom

all the while reserving right

to take pictures

inside our unit if necessary.

 

No matter the missus and me

experienced aforementioned inspection

at least half a dozen other instances

since we lived here circa July 1st, 2017

(plus or minus a decade – ha),

which state inspection

explains metered emission

synonymous with violation,

whereby absolute zero

personal property we utilize

not considered off limits

to inquisitive troupe constituting

above identified higher ups

(reference made to aforementioned
motley management crew).

 

Now no more time for inane verse,

cuz tis urgent we get down to brass tacks,

yours truly cannot relax

until he and the wife

align figurative ducks in a row

courtesy ventriloquism acts

issuing convincing quacks,

plus suddenly magically enlivened

neatly arrayed knickknacks

threatened with receiving

 

bonafide paddy whacks

if said tchotchkes misbehave

and exhibit buffoonish antics

subsequently summoned,

instructed, and commanded

to complete x squared jumping jacks

otherwise sent to fabled boot camp

superfluous unwanted playthings

recruited by Salvation Army

filling out ranks of toy story barracks.

 

Countdown triggers nails

bitten down to quick

golly gosh if only Mary Poppins

who still appears rather gracefully slick
(especially during rainy weather)

at 17 Cherry Tree Lane, London England

could pull off cheap trick

or think super tramping Glinda
protagonist courtesy film Wizard of Oz

Good Witch of the North

 

ruler of the Quadling Country

South of the Emerald City,

and protector of Princess Ozma

riding her reo speedwagon

at light speed in nick

of time (in case of flat tire)

she will travel on her

state of the art broomstick,

but unfortunately said

courteous wonder women

 

long since retired though the former

still residing in her dotage

at the Banks residence,
nevertheless in an emergency

either one or the other

willingly avail themselves
providing freelance capering

constituting steep consulting fee services

while comfortably holed up

in their respective bailiwick.